Sweaty Flow (short story)

Hotel employee Jenny Carter is dealing with another bad day at work. First she has to fix the sign after the local children rearranged the letters to spell "Sweaty Flow" (previously "Wet Farts"), then deals with the passive-aggressive relationship of her employers, the Sinclairs, and Mr Sinclair's barely-controlled temper. The hotel is in financial difficulty and has had to borrow good trays from the local museum.

Mr Sinclair is glad their next guest is a colonel, the right sort of guest, while disparaging of the newly arrived Lethbridge-Stewart who he assumes is a travelling salesman. He takes pleasure in telling Lethbridge-Stewart that the only room booked is for a colonel and once he realises that is the colonel, he starts simpering. Having previously told Jenny he doesn't want any unmarried guests doing "that sort of thing", Sinclair rudely tells her off for noting the colonel and his partner aren't married, as it doesn't matter when the upper class are doing it. Jenny notices, though her boss doesn't, that Lethbridge-Stewart appears to be looking for someone at the hotel.

At lunch, Jenny has to keep her boss from bothering the couple. A grey man overhears them talking about the colonel and hurries off - which the colonel notices, as this man named Morrison is someone the army is looking for and are waiting outside. (Doris is annoyed to learn he was doing work during the holiday)

Soldiers pursue Morrison back through the hotel and Lethbridge-Stewart excuses himself to assist. Using the museum's silver tray, Lethbridge-Stewart knocks Morrison out. He then goes right back to the lunch table, while Mr Sinclair is left having to explain to his wife why there's bullet holes in Reception. Lethbridge-Stewart admits this was all to stop Morrison using a mind-control device, realises the device is on and making him speak too freely, and tells everyone they'll have to sign the Official Secrets Act now. While admitting a different tactic he could have done, he accidentally makes Mr Sinclair start bashing himself in the head with the tray - and Mrs Sinclair tells him to let it carry on.

Characters

Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart
Doris Bryden
Mr Sinclair
Mrs Sinclair
Jenny Carter
Professor Morrison

References

Jenny compares Mrs Sinclair's heavily-sprayed hair to Barry Sheene's crash helmet.
Mr Sinclair sarcastically says he'll get Shaw Taylor (the presenter of Police 5) to vet the guests.
When he starts trying to placate Lethbridge-Stewart, Jenny compares him to Uriah Heap.

Notes

The story is a pastiche of Fawlty Towers, with Sinclair representing Basil Fawlty and Jenny representing Polly Sherman. It's even implied the hotel is itself called Fawlty Towers, from the rude words made from the rearranged sign (and any spare letters are left on the ground).
Jenny Carter has emigrated from Canada. (The actress behind Sherman, Connie Booth, was American-born)
Mr Sinclair assumes Lethbridge-Stewart is upper class due to his job and double-barrelled surname, traditionally a sign of family connection.

Continuity

The Brigadier was first established as having received a watch from Doris at a Brighton hotel in TV: Planet of the Spiders. During the lunch scene, Doris mentions he needs a new watch.
Lethbridge-Stewart says this is his first time in Brighton "on leave" rather than his first time at all.
While not explicitly stated, this story would be set in the mid-to-late 60s when the Brigadier and Doris first dated.

External links

Download link at Candy Jar Books