"We Killed the Doctor Dead"

"We Killed the Doctor Dead!" was a song sung by the Scorchie Mr Grizzfizzle, with Cool Cat and the Magic Mice doing backup. Through this song they informed Jo Grant that they killed the Third Doctor. The song was reprised when the Scorchies discovered that the Doctor wasn't dead. (AUDIO: The Scorchies)

Original lyrics

We killed him dead,

Oh yes stone dead.

Yes, we killed that pesky Doctor dead.

So let's all shout:

"We took 'im out!".

'Cause we killed that bloomin' Doctor dead.

You can't ignore,

that he's no more,

We wouldn't want to see you, Jo, misled.

We'll be succinct,

the Doc's extinct.

Yes, we killed that no-good Doctor dead.

Yes, the Ogrons tried it,

but the Doc denied it.

They were far too stupid to win.

Dæmons want to kill the Doctor,

destroy his helicopter.

But he was their banana skin.

Ice Lords tried to make it colder,

that just made the Doctor bolder.

And they failed where we succeed!

And now we have achieved it,

and now the Doc's received it,

It has been decreed

That:

That big Boy Scout,

we rubbed him out.

We achieved it one hundred percent!

Oh he's deceased.

So rest in peace.

Yes, we know the vexing Doctor's spent.

His story's junked.

His time defunct.

We've eaten up the Time Lord for dessert.

It seems a shame,

But now he's slain.

It's time to wash the Doctor's frilly shirt.

So here we are,

it sounds bizarre.

You'll forgive us if we like a bit to crow.

'Cause now you see,

it's thee and me.

But who is gonna save you all now, Jo?

So you enquired,

"Has he expired?"

I think we'd like to offer you brown bread.

Because you know,

He had to go.

Yes, we know the Daleks couldn't,

Oh no, the Master wouldn't,

Even the blasted Gell guards didn't.

Yes, we know we killed the Doctor dead!

Reprise lyrics

But he's not dead,

Yes, he's not dead.

So it seems the Doctor has survived.

It seems a shame.

That he's not maimed.

'Cause that jackanapes Doctor has revived.

It seems insane.

But he's not brained.

We can't deny, we've seen it with our eyes.

The story breaks,

That news was fake.

The reports of that blasted Doc's demise.

So now ring out the claxons,

We must be worse than Axons,

'Cause he's returned to ruin our show.

We thought that we've rehearsed it,

But now the Doc's reversed it,

Like the polarity of the neutron flow.

We were enthusiastic,

Now we melt like Auton plastic.

That must be our destiny!

One-nil Doc, it seems it's goaless

Might as well now move to solos.

'Cause we paid the penalty.

'Cause

the Doc's alive.

Yes, he survived.

Yes, we thought this was his curtain call.

That silver mane,

It breathes again.

Ah, it seems the Doctor's fooled us all.

Our fists were clenched,

The Doc was quenched.

But now he must be drinking up his fill.

But we're not done,

A dummy run.

We've got another sleeping pill.

So be alarmed.

We mean ya harm.

Let us now not be misunderstood.

He'll take a dive,

And not survive.

It's time to rub the Doctor out for good.

So let it rip.

The Doc's a blip.

Be careful now, oh Doctor, where you tread.

'Cause now it's time.

Pay for your crime.

We'll make the Doc an absentee,

And that will leave just you and me.

He won't go back Metebilis III

'Cause we would have killed the Doctor dead!