User:Scrooge MacDuck
Hi! I'm User:Scrooge MacDuck. I'm one of this Wiki's team of Administrators, and a long-term contributor to the encyclopaedia itself. Don't hesitate to reach out on my talk page if there's anything with which you need help — or if you just want to say hello!
Of course, a Tardis Wiki Admin is not all I am: for example, I'm a very silly person. If you want details, it is possible that despite my best efforts, you might find some useful information in the following document.
A Transcript.
Transcript starts
Early evening. Footsteps hurry along on wet cobblestones; a cloaked figure, fleeing in the shadows.
- “Hey! Hey, you! Stop right there!”
The footsteps stop for a moment — then start again, faster — but suddenly, a bright spotlight streams down from a window, catching the figure by surprise. Defeated, the entity throws the cloak aside, revealing a strange superposition of absurd images: a skeleton with glasses and a top hat — an Earthling with long blond hair, leaning on an elegant cane, their features hidden, Magritte-style, behind a hovering book — a pair of colourful, rocklike creatures from an old comic book — a hint of other shapes too, some too frightful to consider.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, nowhere among them is a cartoon duck to be found.
The figure smirks, Orson-Welles-like.
- “There you are. Alright, then, who sent you?”
“Who sent me what?”
- “Never mind the witticism — let's start with a simpler question. What's your name?
“Simple? No, no, I shouldn't think so. But let's try it anyway. In this dimension I'm known as Scrooge MacDuck, or simply Scrooge. That's MacDuck with the A spelled out; not McDuck. No relation to the cartoon duck.”
- “I see. Any other names we should know about?”
“In the Lands of Discord, there are those who call me Scrooge MacBadger. That's Rep. Scrooge MacBadger, to be exact. And when the mood strikes me to offend the Muses, I credit the results to Aristide Twain.”
- “Those names are extremely tawdry and you ought to be ashamed. Aristide, what's that, French?”
“Well, Greek, etymologically speaking, but that's the French spelling, certainly. You see, I am, in fact, French. …And I'm not sorry either.”
- “I probably should ask about the gender situation…”
“Oh, masculine, essentially.”
- “…I'm going to regret asking, but — ‘essentially’?”
“Let us say that I can go for the occasional singular they, and keep it at that.”
- “Yes, let's. So, Mr Twain, or whoever you are — what is it you… do?
“I make Wikis,” they reply nonchalantly. “Or I contribute to them, as the case may be. In this case I'm an Administrator of this place; not the oldest, not the youngest, either. I tinker, I discuss matters in the Forum, I write and I redraft pages. My talk page is always open if you've got a question. That goes for you, too, by the way, Mr High-And-Mighty Ambiguous Metafictional Gimmick. You didn't have to track me down to whatever half-baked pseudo-fiction framing device you call this…”
- “Where's the fun in that?” asks the Gimmick. “Admin, then. Just on Tardis?”
“Hardly! I run the Jenny Everywhere Wiki, as well, and there are more besides, though nowhere I'm very active anymore nowadays.”
- “But that's not all you do, is it? You mentioned some writing…”
“Ah, yes. Yes, I'm something of a storyteller. Mainly, I write The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids with Lupan Evezan — you might have heard of it, although you probably haven't… And then, there's my DWU work. (Small multiverse, isn't it?) I've written prose and audio stories for Faction Paradox and P.R.O.B.E..”
- “Well I do hope you don't self-promote in the main namespace.”
“Do not cite T:WIKIFY OWN to me, Gimmick. I was there when it was written. In any case, my few DWU endeavours to date are just the start: soon, there'll be —”
- “Shush. Behave.”
“…You're no fun.”
- “You started it.”
“Did not.”
- “Yes you did, you wrote this entire faux-interview.”
“That's right, shatter the fourth wall completely, why don't you. And all for a reheated joke from an overexposed sitcom. You know what? I'm leaving. See you never.”
- “Wait! Er — leaving? Leaving where?”
“My entire existence doesn't revolve around the Wiki, you know. I do have a life out there in the four-dimensional realm. And even on the Interwebs, there are other places I might be found. I'm on Tumblr, I'm on Discord, I'm on the Faction Paradox Forum — even in the depths of websites which have gone Xtremely inadvisable rebrands. Face it, there's no getting rid of me.”
The figure takes a bow, tips his top hat, and snaps his fingers, summong what looks like a small, solid cloud with a dome-shaped hatch and a steering wheel. Before the Ambiguous Metafictional Gimmick can react, the Administrator hops aboard the ship and punches some coordinates into the control panel; with a flash of purplish light, they both vanish, leaving the Gimmick to contemplate its fate.
- “W-wait,” it belatedly realises. “If no one's around to write me into existence, don't I just —”
Transcript ends
