Honeymoon Horrors (short story): Difference between revisions

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[[Amy Pond]] and [[Rory Williams]] are trying to enjoy their [[honeymoon]], and send the [[Eleventh Doctor]] letters reporting on their progress. Their first destination was the [[Globe Theatre]] on [[13 January]], [[1605]], where they saw a performance of ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', enjoying it despite the stink of the crowd. However, things got worse quite quickly after the curtain call, with [[William Shakespeare]] trying to come on to Amy and [[King]] [[James I]] trying to have Amy and Rory thrown in the [[Tower of London|Tower]] when he overhears Rory saying that they know [[the Doctor]]. Amy writes the Doctor a postcard which ends with a request to pick them up from the wine cellar of their hotel, where they are hiding in empty barrels.
[[Amy Pond]] and [[Rory Williams]] are trying to enjoy their [[honeymoon]], and send the [[Eleventh Doctor]] letters reporting on their progress. Their first destination was the [[Globe Theatre]] on [[13 January]], [[1605]], where they saw a performance of ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', enjoying it despite the stink of the crowd. However, things got worse quite quickly after the curtain call, with [[William Shakespeare]] trying to come on to Amy and [[King]] [[James I]] trying to have Amy and Rory thrown in the [[Tower of London|Tower]] when he overhears Rory saying that they know [[the Doctor]]. Amy writes the Doctor a postcard which ends with a request to pick them up from the wine cellar of their hotel, where they are hiding in empty barrels.


The Doctor's next recommendation is the [[Gardens of Zul-Thep]] on [[9 July]] [[3104]], where they are attacked by giant killer bees attracted by the [[jam]] they brought for their [[picnic]]. Rory sends the Doctor a voice-mail urgently asking him to pick them up.  
The Doctor's next recommendation is the [[Gardens of Zul-Thep]] on [[9 July]] [[3104]], where they are attacked by giant killer bees attracted by the [[jam]] they brought for their [[picnic]]. Rory sends the Doctor a voice-mail urgently asking him to pick them up.


Their next destination is [[1881]] [[Arizona]], but [[Wyatt Earp]] turns out to be "nothing like the films", and tries to shoot Rory. There are also large numbers of aliens hanging about. Amy sends the Doctor a [[telegram]] asking him to come stop the aliens and the randier cowboys, and also to bring some [[Salvon]] for Rory, who's had a "[[cactus]] accident".
Their next destination is [[1881]] [[Arizona]], but [[Wyatt Earp]] turns out to be "nothing like the films", and tries to shoot Rory. There are also large numbers of aliens hanging about. Amy sends the Doctor a [[telegram]] asking him to come stop the aliens and the randier cowboys, and also to bring some [[Salvon]] for Rory, who's had a "[[cactus]] accident".


Their next stop is a beach on [[Drago 14]] where their beach day is ruined by [[acid-spitting land squid]]s who melt Rory's [[Terry Pratchett]] book and also give him an acid burn on his thumb. Rory is further put out when a visit to a bookshop yields no replacement, as Pratchett's book has been out of print for "almost four hundred years" and, in point of fact, the shop no longer sells print books at all. However, in a travel agent's next to a shop that sells [[acid-proof towel]]s, Amy finds [[Play Among the Stars, and Come Aboard the Thrasymachus|a brochure]] for [[Solaris World Holidays]]' long, romantic cruises on the ''[[Thrasymachus]]''. The two become set on the idea, especially as the picture of the "Mr and Mrs P from Earth" giving a testimonial for the Honeymoon Special are in fact themselves, suggesting it is a foregone conclusion that they'll go on the cruise at a slightly earlier point in time.  
Their next stop is a beach on [[Drago 14]] where their beach day is ruined by [[acid-spitting land squid]]s who melt Rory's [[Terry Pratchett]] book and also give him an acid burn on his thumb. Rory is further put out when a visit to a bookshop yields no replacement, as Pratchett's book has been out of print for "almost four hundred years" and, in point of fact, the shop no longer sells print books at all. However, in a travel agent's next to a shop that sells [[acid-proof towel]]s, Amy finds [[Play Among the Stars, and Come Aboard the Thrasymachus|a brochure]] for [[Solaris World Holidays]]' long, romantic cruises on the ''[[Thrasymachus]]''. The two become set on the idea, especially as the picture of the "Mr and Mrs P from Earth" giving a testimonial for the Honeymoon Special are in fact themselves, suggesting it is a foregone conclusion that they'll go on the cruise at a slightly earlier point in time.


However, another brochure of which take little note, ''[[Welcome, traveller, to Sardicktown]]'' advertises their real destination: [[Sardicktown]], a city whose tagline is "Enjoy your visit! But don't linger too long." and where notable sights range from [[Garglespike]]'s [[Miss Garglespike's World of Pins|collection of pins]] to the [[Duckchester Tanneries]] whose tanners "can strip the hide off a giant [[Camoose]] in less than five minutes", the [[Scratchington Fish Market]], [[Doctor|Dr]] [[Henry Fizzog]]'s [[Dr Henry Fizzog's Museum of the Macabre|Museum of the Macabre]], and of course [[Sardick Towers]], which is not even open to the public but which "you can see from most streets if you crane your neck". It includes a peculiar number of dire warnings about the weather and the savagery of large flying fish.
However, another brochure of which take little note, ''[[Welcome, traveller, to Sardicktown]]'' advertises their real destination: [[Sardicktown]], a city whose tagline is "Enjoy your visit! But don't linger too long." and where notable sights range from [[Garglespike]]'s [[Miss Garglespike's World of Pins|collection of pins]] to the [[Duckchester Tanneries]] whose tanners "can strip the hide off a giant [[Camoose]] in less than five minutes", the [[Scratchington Fish Market]], [[Doctor|Dr]] [[Henry Fizzog]]'s [[Dr Henry Fizzog's Museum of the Macabre|Museum of the Macabre]], and of course [[Sardick Towers]], which is not even open to the public but which "you can see from most streets if you crane your neck". It includes a peculiar number of dire warnings about the weather and the savagery of large flying fish.
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* [[Blight]]
* [[Blight]]
* [[Bancock]]
* [[Bancock]]
* [[Kazran Sardick]]  
* [[Kazran Sardick]]
* [[Garglespike]]
* [[Garglespike]]
* [[William Shakespeare]]
* [[William Shakespeare]]
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* [[Gourmandroid X7]]
* [[Gourmandroid X7]]


== References ==
== Worldbuilding ==
* Exhibits in [[Dr Henry Fizzog's Museum of the Macabre]] include the [[mummy]] of [[King]] [[Zadok|Zadok the Gory]], the larvae of a "giant [[Gastropod]]", and "a wide variety of torture and executional implements from across the galaxy".  
* Exhibits in [[Dr Henry Fizzog's Museum of the Macabre]] include the [[mummy]] of [[King]] [[Zadok|Zadok the Gory]], the larvae of a "giant [[Gastropod]]", and "a wide variety of torture and executional implements from across the galaxy".
* [[Sardick Towers]] is in a "Modern Gotho-Baroquezantine" style.
* [[Sardick Towers]] is in a "Modern Gotho-Baroquezantine" style.
* Appointments with [[Kazran Sardick]] should be registered with the [[Assistant Deputy Sub-Manager of Administrative Assistance]] at "the offices of [[Sardick, Sardick & Sons]]", [[91 Throttleby Lane]].  
* Appointments with [[Kazran Sardick]] should be registered with the [[Assistant Deputy Sub-Manager of Administrative Assistance]] at "the offices of [[Sardick, Sardick & Sons]]", [[91 Throttleby Lane]].
* [[Rory Williams]] is familiar with a [[Michael Caine]] featuring (normal-sized) killer [[bee]]s.
* [[Rory Williams]] is familiar with a [[Michael Caine]] featuring (normal-sized) killer [[bee]]s.
* The ''[[Thrasymachus]]'' is the largest cruise ship in the [[Solaris World Holiday fleet]].
* The ''[[Thrasymachus]]'' is the largest cruise ship in the [[Solaris World Holiday fleet]].
* The [[Flamingo Bongos]] are a [[bio-calypso]] band.
* The [[Flamingo Bongos]] are a [[bio-calypso]] band.
* Prior to becoming the ''Thrasymachus''<nowiki>'s</nowiki> onboard [[chef]], [[Gourmandroid X7]] starred in the "hit TV shows" ''[[Robochef]]'' and ''[[Robochef's Software Nightmares]]''. Gourmandroid is an expert at "stunningly authentic food substitutes".  
* Prior to becoming the ''Thrasymachus''<nowiki>'s</nowiki> onboard [[chef]], [[Gourmandroid X7]] starred in the "hit TV shows" ''[[Robochef]]'' and ''[[Robochef's Software Nightmares]]''. Gourmandroid is an expert at "stunningly authentic food substitutes".
* [[Space War II]] [[Rationing|ration books]] are mentioned.
* [[Space War II]] [[Rationing|ration books]] are mentioned.
* [[McLintock's Candy Burgers]] is a highly popular fast-food chain. There are McLintock's booths every six metres on the ship.
* [[McLintock's Candy Burgers]] is a highly popular fast-food chain. There are McLintock's booths every six metres on the ship.
* The ''Thrasymachus'' makes fly-by of [[Halley's Comet]] twice every week.  
* The ''Thrasymachus'' makes fly-by of [[Halley's Comet]] twice every week.
* [[Globo the Clone-Clown's World of Fun]] boasts "the largest ball bit ever constructed, with a volume of over four cubic kilometers".
* [[Globo the Clone-Clown's World of Fun]] boasts "the largest ball bit ever constructed, with a volume of over four cubic kilometers".


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[[Category:Stories set in 1605]]
[[Category:Stories set in 1605]]
[[Category:Stories set in 2698]]
[[Category:Stories set in 2698]]

Revision as of 18:02, 6 September 2023

RealWorld.png

Honeymoon Horrors, as titled on the contents page, was a short story published in October 2011 in The Brilliant Book 2012, tying in with A Christmas Carol. It was told in an epistolary format, including a series of letters from Amy Pond and Rory Williams to the Eleventh Doctor about the progress of their honeymoon as well as facsimiles of in-universe flyers in their possession: Play Among the Stars, and Come Aboard the Thrasymachus for the ship Thrasymachus, and Welcome, traveller, to Sardicktown for Sardicktown itself.

Summary

Amy Pond and Rory Williams's attempt at a space-time-hopping honeymoon keeps going wrong, interrupted by various adventures. When they eventually find a brochure for an inviting space cruise ship, they think they've finally found the peaceful retreat they need, little suspecting that the ship will fly over, and crash-land towards, the exceedingly unpleasant township of Sardicktown, whose flyer advertises such highlights as Dr Henry Fizzog's Museum of the Macabre and "the largest collection of antique and decorative pins in the Horsehead Nebula".

Plot

Amy Pond and Rory Williams are trying to enjoy their honeymoon, and send the Eleventh Doctor letters reporting on their progress. Their first destination was the Globe Theatre on 13 January, 1605, where they saw a performance of Romeo and Juliet, enjoying it despite the stink of the crowd. However, things got worse quite quickly after the curtain call, with William Shakespeare trying to come on to Amy and King James I trying to have Amy and Rory thrown in the Tower when he overhears Rory saying that they know the Doctor. Amy writes the Doctor a postcard which ends with a request to pick them up from the wine cellar of their hotel, where they are hiding in empty barrels.

The Doctor's next recommendation is the Gardens of Zul-Thep on 9 July 3104, where they are attacked by giant killer bees attracted by the jam they brought for their picnic. Rory sends the Doctor a voice-mail urgently asking him to pick them up.

Their next destination is 1881 Arizona, but Wyatt Earp turns out to be "nothing like the films", and tries to shoot Rory. There are also large numbers of aliens hanging about. Amy sends the Doctor a telegram asking him to come stop the aliens and the randier cowboys, and also to bring some Salvon for Rory, who's had a "cactus accident".

Their next stop is a beach on Drago 14 where their beach day is ruined by acid-spitting land squids who melt Rory's Terry Pratchett book and also give him an acid burn on his thumb. Rory is further put out when a visit to a bookshop yields no replacement, as Pratchett's book has been out of print for "almost four hundred years" and, in point of fact, the shop no longer sells print books at all. However, in a travel agent's next to a shop that sells acid-proof towels, Amy finds a brochure for Solaris World Holidays' long, romantic cruises on the Thrasymachus. The two become set on the idea, especially as the picture of the "Mr and Mrs P from Earth" giving a testimonial for the Honeymoon Special are in fact themselves, suggesting it is a foregone conclusion that they'll go on the cruise at a slightly earlier point in time.

However, another brochure of which take little note, Welcome, traveller, to Sardicktown advertises their real destination: Sardicktown, a city whose tagline is "Enjoy your visit! But don't linger too long." and where notable sights range from Garglespike's collection of pins to the Duckchester Tanneries whose tanners "can strip the hide off a giant Camoose in less than five minutes", the Scratchington Fish Market, Dr Henry Fizzog's Museum of the Macabre, and of course Sardick Towers, which is not even open to the public but which "you can see from most streets if you crane your neck". It includes a peculiar number of dire warnings about the weather and the savagery of large flying fish.

Characters

Worldbuilding

Notes

Continuity

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