I'll Never Get a Spin-Off

"I'll Never Get a Spin-Off" was a song sung by Ellie Higson as she rescued George Litefoot and Henry Gordon Jago from the Scorchies. (AUDIO: Encore of the Scorchies ^[+]Loading...["Encore of the Scorchies (audio story)"])

Lyrics

Once again
I've been overlooked and left until the end
Just another lonely hour for me to spend
Behind the scenes until the denouement

It's not fair
I never get a truly even share
And I end up feeling bad
I'm just a spare part every time

The adventure's nearly finished and I've hardly said a line
You two gents have all the fun while I get left behind
Well not today if it's alright
I'm here to save mankind

I'm Ellie the barmaid
I'm sick of being forgot
I may not make the titles but I'm vital to the plot
I'm more than just a bit part, I'm integral and I'm great
I'll never get a spin-off at this rate

I'm Ellie the barmaid
I'm here to save the day
You didn't think to ask me but I turned up anyway
As far as music debuts go this one is pretty late
I'll never get a spin-off at this rate

Now I won't let this bunch of fuzzy puppets steal the show
It's bad enough I've only had two scenes so far you know
It's time to put an end to this and claim what's mine by right
The final scene's for me and it ain't yours without a fight

So listen here you nasty bunch of ragged evildoers
I'm here to thwart your plans and send you right back down the sewers
The thought of killing everyone might make you laugh and chortle
But that won't work with me because I'm technically immortal

I'm used to pulling pints although I never pull my punches
I'm just as happy fighting as I am at serving lunches
If you thought you'd get away with this it's time you knew
Up with this I will not put, it's time to finish you

I'm Ellie the barmaid
Just look here what I found
A big old box of fireworks just lying on the ground
And here's a box of matches sitting right next to this crate
I'll never get a spin-off at this rate

I'm Ellie the barmaid
It's time to end the show
I've got a box of rockets which I ain't afraid to throw
Don't go crying sawdust. You've got no one else to blame
I'll never get a spin-off but I'll kill you all the same

(AUDIO: Encore of the Scorchies ^[+]Loading...["Encore of the Scorchies (audio story)"])

Behind the scenes

• This song heavily breaks the fourth wall, with lines such as "I may not make the titles but I'm vital to the plot" and "I've only had two scenes so far", plus of course the titular line.