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Roland Rat, back in the Ratcave, concludes that his parents are slightly embarrassing, and says that it's time for the new soap opera. Acting as their [[Official soap adviser]] is [[Wendy Richards (in-universe)|Wendy Richards]] from [[EastEnders]], who knows all about soap through working in a laundrette, whom Roland interviews. | Roland Rat, back in the Ratcave, concludes that his parents are slightly embarrassing, and says that it's time for the new soap opera. Acting as their [[Official soap adviser]] is [[Wendy Richards (in-universe)|Wendy Richards]] from [[EastEnders]], who knows all about soap through working in a laundrette, whom Roland interviews. | ||
The new soap opera, [[RatEnders]], starts. Roland Rat asks [[Glenys the Guinea Pig]] to try and speak with a cockney accent, which she fails to do. In character, she then tells Roland that he is a mean and dreadful husband, as he is always looking at other guinea pigs. He, again in-character, replies that he is very cruel and ruthless, but fails to confirm that he looks at other guinea pigs. | The new soap opera, [[RatEnders]], starts. Roland Rat asks [[Glenys the Guinea Pig]] to try and speak with a cockney accent, which she fails to do. In character, she then tells Roland that he is a mean and dreadful husband, as he is always looking at other guinea pigs. He, again in-character, replies that he is very cruel and ruthless, but fails to confirm that he looks at other guinea pigs, saying instead that other guinea pigs look at him because he is so handsome. He then tells Glenys to have a drink on the house, which [[Little Reggie]] misinterprets, and sprays drinks all over everyone. Errol then enters, asking if he's in it. Roland replies that he is, because they ''have'' to have customers. Errol notes that there aren't many in at the moment, to which Roland replies that they can't afford the extras, and that Errol will have to play a grumpy old man. Errol is worried that he won't be able to play a grumpy old man, at which Roland replies that he has great faith in Errol's acting abilities, and tells him that he'll have to have a [[cockney]] accent, which Errol tries and fails to do. Maureen, playing [[Glenda Jackson]], notes that she can do a good cockney accent, at which the others object that she can't act. She says she can, and that she could play one of Roland's girlfriends, at which Roland objects, saying she isn't pretty enough, and says that she can play the beermat. Little Reggie, at Roland's behest, then sprays her with beer. Kevin then objects to playing a pregnant woman, at which Roland notes that somebody has to be pregnant, and [[Colin the Flea]] assures Kevin that he thinks that he's very attractive. Errol notes that it's very boring, and asks if anything ever happens in the soap opera, at which Roland notes that nothing ever happens in any of the others. Roland tells Glenys to have another nag at him, which she does. She tells him that she's fed up of him looking at other women, at which Roland, in-character objects that he doesn't even know any other women, at which several young women enter the pub. Glenys, still in-character, tells Dirty Roland that she is leaving him. Errol, somewhat bored, leaves as well. Kevin partially in-character, says that he'd better go off to have his baby. Little Reggie then sprays the young girls, and RatEnders ends. | ||
'' | Roland asks Wendy Richards what she thought of his acting ability, and, when she gives it a "0", he threatens her, so she changes it to a "10". Roland then says that it's the end of the show, thanks Richards, and the audience cheers. | ||
After the credits, Roland notes that it was a brilliant show, and that RatEnders was a great idea of his. He imagines that the ratings will have gone right up, at which D'Arcy De Farcy reveals that, according to the [[preliminary audience reaction]], everybody but one viewer had switched off, at which the solitary viewer switches off. Roland Rat notes that the reason RatEnders was a failure was due to everyone's bad acting. Kevin the Gerbil is then carried out by some [[paramedic]]s, who believe that he is actually having a [[baby]]. | |||
After the episode finishes, the Doctor is [[sleep|awoken]] by the prodding of a [[pole]]. He recaps the audience on what they had been watching, and then excitedly tells them to switch over to [[BBC television|BBC1]] to watch ''[[Doctor Who (N-Space)|Doctor Who]]'', which he refers to as "''the'' series". [[Ron Rat]] jumps up, calling ''Doctor Who'' "rubbish" — an act for which the Doctor attempts to murder Ron, using a ray-gun he just happens to have on his person. Fortunately for Ron, the Doctor is a lousy shot. | After the episode finishes, the Doctor is [[sleep|awoken]] by the prodding of a [[pole]]. He recaps the audience on what they had been watching, and then excitedly tells them to switch over to [[BBC television|BBC1]] to watch ''[[Doctor Who (N-Space)|Doctor Who]]'', which he refers to as "''the'' series". [[Ron Rat]] jumps up, calling ''Doctor Who'' "rubbish" — an act for which the Doctor attempts to murder Ron, using a ray-gun he just happens to have on his person. Fortunately for Ron, the Doctor is a lousy shot. | ||
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*[[Music]] - [[Matt Aitken]], [[Mike Stock]], [[Pete Waterman]] | *[[Music]] - [[Matt Aitken]], [[Mike Stock]], [[Pete Waterman]] | ||
*[[Cameraman]] - [[Dave Grey]] | *[[Cameraman]] - [[Dave Grey]] | ||
*[[Sound | *[[Sound recordist]] - [[Doug Mawson]] | ||
*[[Film | *[[Film editor]] - [[Nick Hutchings]] | ||
*[[Properties | *[[Properties buyer]] - [[Bob Warans]] | ||
*[[Graphic | *[[Graphic design]] - [[Iain Greenway]], [[Simon Everson]] | ||
*[[Vision | *[[Vision effects designer]] - [[Malcolm James]] | ||
*[[Camera | *[[Camera supervisor]] - [[Spencer Payne]] | ||
*[[Technical co-ordinator|Technical Co-ordinators]] - [[Jeff Jeffery]], [[Terry Wild]] | *[[Technical co-ordinator|Technical Co-ordinators]] - [[Jeff Jeffery]], [[Terry Wild]] | ||
*[[Vision mixer|Vision Mixer]] - [[Angela Beveridge]] | *[[Vision mixer|Vision Mixer]] - [[Angela Beveridge]] | ||
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*Roland Rat never misses an episode of [[EastEnders]]. | *Roland Rat never misses an episode of [[EastEnders]]. | ||
*[[Fergie the Ferret]] cannot stand a cheap [[opening title sequence]]. | *[[Fergie the Ferret]] cannot stand a cheap [[opening title sequence]]. | ||
*According to several individuals, nothing ever happens in EastEnders. | |||
==Notes== | ==Notes== | ||