Auteur License (short story)

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Auteur License was the ninth story in Arcbeatle Press's 2024 April Fools' Day anthology The Noodle Incident.

Summary[[edit] | [edit source]]

In Hollywood in 1960, Marilyn Monroe gets up after taking barbiturates and notices a translucent skeleton at the end of her bed; Auteur, who advises her to stop making her film Let's Make Love, which he says does not exist. He disappears. Marilyn ignores him and goes to the studio, sleeping on a couch before beginning filming despite believing the film could be a "career-killer".

However, she notices something is wrong; a crewman says to her that the title of the film is Pasta in Paris. She asks to speak to a director, who happens to be the Noodle Man. He explains that the film is a commercial for a "noodle product", a can of Chicken Auteur Soup which yells to let him go. He makes a stagehand consume the contents of a can; the stagehand finds that its entire contents are bone, causing him to lose all of his teeth and his carotid artery to burst. The Noodle Man eats another stagehand whole. Marilyn storms off the set.

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