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== Plot ==
== Plot ==
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[[Iris Wildthyme]] turns up on [[Dead planet (From Wildthyme with Love)|a dead planet]] on [[Panda]]'s advice, Panda having claimed that it the location of a "Bring-a-Bottle" party. She finds the address Panda gave her and bangs on the doors, but gets no answer. Instead, Iris drinks all the bottles herself and makes her way through the [[petrified jungle|petrified forest]] surrounding it. She eventually stumbles onto [[blond fella]]s with whom she parties it up before they help her find her way back to [[Celestial Omnibus|her bus]].
===2===
Panda, meanwhile, has made his way to [[1979]] [[Paris]] with Iris's [[Time Scrunchy]], which he has borrowed. He meets a [[Classy lady (From Wildthyme with Love)|Classy lady]] who feels neglected by her husband, a "proper Count" who's out of town trying to be in several places at once. He hints that he hopes to seduce her.
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[[Iris Wildthyme]] opines that [[the Penultimate Question]] is always "Where's the bar?", and that [[Flirting|the ''Ultimate'' Question is "What's yours, lovey?"]]. She isn't at all looking forward to becoming the [[Jane Fonda]] Iris with whom Panda is travelling, who might have a icer figure than her but seems to be "a proper moaner".


Iris reports that for her part, she is "at the [[Earth]]'s [[core]]". There, she has met some [[reptile person|reptile peopel]] who are upset that [[Human|the Ape Primitives]] have stolen their [[planet]], as well as a "[[dashing old gentleman (From Wildthyme with Love)|dashing old gentleman]]" who has a faint resemblance to [[Peter Cushing]]. Noting that [[MIAOW]] seem intent on committing [[genocide]] on the reptile people, she ends her letter there.
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An exicted [[Panda]] promises to come right away via [[skate]]s.
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[[Iris Wildthyme|Iris]] writes [[Panda]] one last letter (despite their now being in the same place that says simply: "HURRAY FOR US!".
== Characters ==
== Characters ==
* [[Iris Wildthyme]]
* [[Iris Wildthyme]]
* [[Panda]]
* [[Panda]]
* [[Blond fella]]s
* [[Classy lady (From Wildthyme with Love (novel)|Classy lady]]


== References ==
== References ==
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* Panda gets stuck in a [[Tim War]].
* Panda gets stuck in a [[Tim War]].
* Iris picks up a canteen of cutlery from [[John Lewis]].
* Iris picks up a canteen of cutlery from [[John Lewis]].
* Iris winds up joining the [[Sisterhood of Karn]], who sing "Sacred Fire, Sacred Flame!".
* Iris winds up joining "[[Pan's People]]", made up of [[Sisterhood of Karn|a group of women who live in caves]] and sing "[[Sacred Flame|Sacred Fire, Sacred Flame]]!".
* Iris holds a party in [[Hobbe's End]] which [[Jenny Winterleaf]], [[Barbra]], [[Mida Slike]], [[Tom (Verdigris)|Tom]], [[Pride and Prejudice|Mr Darcy]], [[Wuthering Heights|Heathcliff]], [[Noël Coward]], [[Marlene Dietrich]], [[Thal|those blonde alien boys with the blue eye shadow]], [[Dusty Springfield]], [[Sara Kingdom|the girl from "Upstairs Downstairs"]], [[Robin Hood]], [[Zenith the Albino]], [[Organon|Catweazle]] and [[Erato|his giant green ball bag]], [[Heidi Scarlioni|the Parisian Countess]], [[Blakey]] from "[[On the Buses]]", Cagney and Lacey, [[Face of Boe|the giant head of Mr Derek from the Year 5 Billion]], several [[Synthetic Man|synthetic men]], the [[Cosmic Puppet Master]], [[Fox Soames|Fox]] and [[Magda Soames]], [[Kristoff Alucard]], [[George Challenger|Professor Challenger]], Mrs [[Hudson (All-Consuming Fire)|Hudson]], Doctor [[Van Helsing]], the King of Spin-Off Fiction, [[Vince Cosmos]], [[Poppy Munday]], [[Fenella Wibbsey|Mrs Wibbsey]], [[Mehendri Solon|The Organ Thief]], [[Condo|his hunchbacked boyfriend]], [[Sisterhood of Karn|Pan's People]], [[T.S. Eliot]], [[Ngaio Marsh]] and her giant wasp, [[Peter Cushing]], [[Brenda (The Boy That Time Forgot)|Brenda]] and [[Effie Jacobs|Effie]], [[Samantha (From Wildthyme with Love)|Samantha the Gestalt Entity]], [[PAND-R]], [[Marco Polo]], [[Mary Christmas|Mrs Claus]] and all her [[elf|elves]], and someone who looks a lot like [[Nerys Hughes]] all attend.
* Iris holds a party in [[Hobbe's End]] which [[Jenny Winterleaf]], [[Barbra]], [[Mida Slike]], [[Tom (Verdigris)|Tom]], [[Pride and Prejudice|Mr Darcy]], [[Heathclifff]], [[Noël Coward]], [[Marlene Dietrich]], [[Thal|those blonde alien boys with the blue eye shadow]], [[Dusty Springfield]], [[Sara Kingdom|the girl from "Upstairs Downstairs"]], [[Robin Hood]], [[Zenith the Albino]], [[Organon|Catweazle]] and [[Erato|his giant green ball bag]], [[Heidi Scarlioni|the Parisian Countess]], [[Blakey]] from "[[On the Buses]]", Cagney and Lacey, [[Face of Boe|the giant head of Mr Derek from the Year 5 Billion]], several [[Synthetic Man|synthetic men]], the [[Cosmic Puppet Master]], [[Fox Soames|Fox]] and [[Magda Soames]], [[Kristoff Alucard]], [[George Challenger|Professor Challenger]], Mrs [[Hudson (All-Consuming Fire)|Hudson]], Doctor [[Van Helsing]], the [[King of Spin-Off Fiction]], [[Vince Cosmos]], [[Poppy Munday]], [[Fenella Wibbsey|Mrs Wibbsey]], [[Mehendri Solon|the Organ Thief]], [[Condo|his hunchbacked boyfriend]], [[Pan's People]], [[T.S. Eliot]], [[Ngaio Marsh]] and her giant wasp, [[Peter Cushing]], [[Brenda (The Boy That Time Forgot)|Brenda]] and [[Effie Jacobs|Effie]], [[Samantha (From Wildthyme with Love)|Samantha the Gestalt Entity]], [[PAND-R]], [[Marco Polo]], [[Mary Christmas|Mrs Claus]] and all her [[elf|elves]], and someone who looks a lot like [[Nerys Hughes]] all attend.
* Iris meets a lot of [[Thal|blond fellas]] who live in the woods together and wear a shocking amount of blue eyeshadow and not a lot else.
* Iris meets a lot of [[Thal|blond fellas]] who live in the woods together; they "wear a shocking amount of blue eyeshadow and not a lot else".


== Notes ==
== Notes ==
* The story is written as a series of letters between Iris and Panda, each of which details their involvement in a televised episode of ''[[Doctor Who]]''.
* The story is written as a series of letters between Iris and Panda, each of which details one or the other's involvement in events bearing a strong resemblance to a televised episode of ''[[Doctor Who]]''.
* The description of the "blond fellas" (implied to be the [[Thal]]s) as wearing a lot of blue eyeshadow references their appearance in the feature film ''[[Dr. Who and the Daleks]]'', more than any of their appearances in televised ''Who''.
* While "at the Earth's core", Iris encounters [[Silurian|reptile people]] angry at the apes who took over their planet (implied to be the [[Silurian]]s), but also a [[


== Continuity ==
== Continuity ==
Scrooge MacDuck
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