Doctor in Distress

Doctor in Distress
Artist:	Who Cares?
Publisher:	Record Shack Records
Release date:	March 1985
Format:	7" and 12" Record

Doctor in Distress was a charity record released within two weeks of the announcement of Doctor Who's "cancellation" on 25 February 1985.

The song was later sung on QI on Red Nose Day 2022, as Sandi Toksvig had chosen it due to its status as "one of the least successful charity singles of all time". Later in 2022, the song was included in the blu-ray The Collection boxset for Season 22.

Lyrics

Eighteen months is too long to wait,

Bring back the Doctor don't hesitate.

It was a cold wet night in November

Twenty-two years ago,

There was a police box in a junkyard

We didn't know where it would go,

An old man took two teachers

Into time and space,

It started off a legend

That no other could replace.

Doctor in distress,

Let's all answer his S.O.S.,

Doctor in distress,

Bring him back now, we won't take less.

There were evil metal creatures,

Who tried to exterminate,

Inside each of their casings

Was a bubbling lump of hate,

We met cybernetic humans

With no feelings at all,

Warriors of the ice

Who stood over seven feet tall.

Doctor in distress,

Let's all answer his S.O.S.,

Doctor in distress,

Bring him back now, we won't take less.

Bring him back now, we won't take less,

If we stop his travels he'll be in a mess,

The galaxy will fall to evil once more,

With nightmarish monsters fighting a war.

Doctor in distress,

Bring him back now, we won't take less.

We've learned to accept six doctors

With companions at their side,

When they were faced with dangers

They didn't run, they didn't hide,

There was a Brigadier and a Master

And a canine computer,

Each screaming girl just hoped

That a Yeti wouldn't shoot her.

Doctor in distress,

Let's all answer his S.O.S.,

Doctor in distress,

Bring him back now, we won't take less.

Production

• The idea came from former Doctor Who annual illustrator Paul Mark Tams (then working in the record industry) and record producer and long term Doctor Who fan Ian Levine.

• The lyrics were written by Ian Levine and his partner Fiachra Trench (who were also responsible for the theme to K9 and Company).

• The recording session took place on Thursday 7 March and featured a host of well known names of the time, including:

• Faith Brown (comedian/actress)
• Nicholas Courtney (actor - Brigadier)
• Bobby G (singer with Bucks Fizz)
• Nicola Bryant (actress - Peri)
• Justin Hayward (singer - Moody Blues)
• John Lodge (singer - Moody Blues)
• Rick Buckler with his band Time UK (drummer - The Jam)
• Warren Cann (musician - Ultravox)
• Phyliss Nelson (US musician with a current hit "Move Close")
• Hans Zimmer (musician)
• Anthony Ainley (actor - Master)
• Colin Baker (actor - Sixth Doctor)

• Support but non-participation also came from:

• Ritchie Pitts (star of Starlight Express), who attended the session but had to leave with Earlene Bentley
• Sally Thomsett
• Steve Grant and Julie Harris (from Tight Fit)
• John Rocca (from Freeez)
• Miquel Brown (of the hit "So Many Men So Little Time")
• Hazell Dean (singer)
• Basia and Danny (from band Matt Bianco)
• Black Lace, whose train was cancelled from Bradford
• Gary Glitter, who had dislocated his shoulder
• Helen Terry, who was unable to make the session because she had to fly overseas
• Holly Johnson (from Frankie Goes to Hollywood), who was caught up in rehearsals in Brixton

• Ian Levine's record label Record Shack Records released the record in 7" and 12" versions with an instrumental version of the final hi-energy dance number on the B-side.

• The National Society for Cancer Research was intended to benefit from all profits of the record sales. However, Colin Baker later revealed that the single did not come remotely close to making a profit and therefore no donations resulted from it, though added that he and several of the other performers instead donated to Cancer Research out of their own pockets.

• Doctor Who Magazine published the single's lyrics and reported from behind the scenes on its production in DWM 101, a piece which Jonathan Morris later described as "what may be the funniest article in [DWM's] history" with lines like "Things seemed to be going quite well, until Black Lace rang to say that their train had been cancelled from Bradford."

Reception

The single was largely panned, and failed to chart in the UK. The BBC refused to play the single on its own radio stations, reportedly for its low quality.

Ian Levine later described the single as "an absolute balls-up fiasco. It was pathetic and bad and stupid. It tried to tell the Doctor Who history in an awful high-energy song. It almost ruined me."