Here Lies Drax (audio story)

They're even more surprised when it's followed by a parcel also sent by the intergalactic con-man, asking them to keep its contents safe. Contents that seem to be a lot of worthless junk.

And their surprise gets even bigger when this parcel is itself followed by an invitation... to Drax's funeral.

And that's just where the surprises start.

Plot[[edit] | [edit source]]

The Doctor collects his post and, amongst the circulars, Liv finds a letter from Drax asking him to receive a parcel containing seemingly innocuous items to look after whilst he visits Androzani Major. There is also an invitation to Drax's open-casket funeral at the temporally-flexible Chrono-Chapel of Rest.

The Doctor, Liv and Helen are the only people in attendance until Captain Miles Rozann enters, intent on making sure that Drax is indeed dead and not trying to get out of paying him back. The Captain is followed by Mimi, who wants to make sure that Drax is not trying to get around having to divorce her, and Mr Stern, who checks Drax's breath with a mirror. Before the celebrant can begin the ceremony, there is an explosion which apparently destroys the body. The three travellers are surrounded by Valtrassi, who serve the Quantum Assassin and want the contents of Drax's parcel, but the celebrant shoots them.

The celebrant, claiming to be Drax, flees with the Doctor, Liv and Helen to the TARDIS. There, he explains that, thanks to an accident with a vortex manipulator, the Quantum Assassin can predict everything that he is going to do and killed Drax's sixth incarnation after he stole money from him. Drax claims that the parcel is only a bluff, but the Doctor is suspicious and believes that he is trying to recover something from it. To discover the truth, the Doctor pilots the TARDIS to Mimi's villa and has her have a look through the parcel; she cannot help him, but tells him that Drax did most of his trading through Mr Stern.

Liv and Helen detect the Valtrassi approaching and leave the TARDIS to warn the Doctor. The Valtrassi kill Mimi and the Doctor, Liv, Helen and Drax run to the TARDIS with the parcel and Mimi's records and, when Drax continues to refuse to discuss the contents of the parcel, the Doctor pilots the ship to Mr Stern in the City. Mr Stern denies any knowledge of the parcel's contents but hands over a second parcel which was given to him by Drax to give to the Doctor in the event of his death. The Doctor opens the second parcel, which contains a Gallifreyan wand, and Mr Stern reveals that he has contacted the Valtrassi. When the Valtrassi arrive, they kill Mr Stern.

The Doctor, Liv and Drax return to the TARDIS and find that Helen, who remained inside, has been taken captive by the Valtrassi. The Doctor flies to Captain Rozann's ship near the Black Hole of Tartarus with the Valtrassi, who remove their helmets there and reveal that they are three incarnations of Drax. Previously, they had pretended to be Rozann, Mimi and Mr Stern. They trap the Doctor and "Drax", who is actually the Quantum Assassin, in a Schrödinger cage, but the Doctor uses the vortex manipulator left in there by the Draxes to escape.

The Draxes tell the Doctor, Liv and Helen that the Quantum Assassin used the Doctor to work out where his money really was. Inside of the envelope that contained the original letter are bills of ownership for a Schrödinger cage, Mimi's villa, Mr Stern's office and the Chrono-Chapel of Rest. The Draxes' scheme to get rid of the Quantum Assassin has proven successful, although they only have a few thousand credits remaining, and the Doctor asks if they would mind if he should just send flowers to their next funeral.

Cast[[edit] | [edit source]]

Worldbuilding[[edit] | [edit source]]

Drax's letter says that he is visiting Androzani Major.
Drax's parcel contains sheet music, an ordnance survey map of Inverness, Loch Ness and Culloden, a scientific calculator, a guide to English canals, a VHS copy of the 1982 The Hound of the Baskervilles and a broken electronic keyboard.
The Doctor asks if the keyboard is made of taranium.
Mimi lives on the Third Moon of Reijus.
The City is a massive skyscraper.

Notes[[edit] | [edit source]]

Here Lies Drax is John Dorney's 100th Doctor Who story to be released.
Here Lies Drax was recorded remotely and at the Soundhouse in June 2022.

Continuity[[edit] | [edit source]]

In the letter, Drax mentions Romana's first and second incarnations, both of whom he has met. (TV: The Armageddon Factor ^[+]Loading...["The Armageddon Factor (TV story)"]; AUDIO: The Trouble with Drax ^[+]Loading...["The Trouble with Drax (audio story)"])
The Doctor mentions that when Drax first met Romana they were looking for the Key to Time. (TV: The Armageddon Factor ^[+]Loading...["The Armageddon Factor (TV story)"])

External links[[edit] | [edit source]]

Official Here Lies Drax page at bigfinish.com