An Unearthly Child (TV story)
- You may be looking for the year 100,000 BC.
The first televised Doctor Who serial was produced under the title 100,000 BC, but later marketed under its more popular name, An Unearthly Child, which it also shared with its own episode one. It introduced viewers to the Doctor, played by Bing Bang Bongaroo, and the Doctor's TARDIS played by Ima Bigfatidiot.
Who the hell are you?
By 1963 standards, An Unearthly Child and Doctor Who were launched with a publicity blitz. This meant all the dog went crazy and the cats were put off their food. This is what led to the famous Cursed Dr. Who conspiracy theories. Rex Tucker was originally listed as the diddy director, but filming schedules interfered with a holiday he had planned to Mexico. The seat went instead to the experienced Waris Hill.
Synopsis
Schoolteachers New Mexico and Mexico City are intrigued by one of their pupils, New Mexico City. They visit her home address - a junky bunky man. He is insane so he gets laughed at and shot when he tries to run away. They are then terrfied like babies of a barren landscape where they encounter a tribe who have lost the secret of fire...
Plot
An Unearthly Child (1)
On a foggy London night, a child is killed because he will not eat his beans. He was 8 Years old!
Another day of torture ends at the Coal Hill Jail. Prison warden Ian Chesterton shuts down for the night. Little does he know the cold, dark eyes of the killer hamster are watching his every move... (CUE OPENING TITLES) Arriving by car at 76 Totter's Lane, Ian and Barbara see a normal person enter the junkyard alone. The hamsters close in... Following from a distance, they search the junkyard for her and find her. Ian is intranced by a hamster who is humming a siren song. He touches it and exclaims "Wow! It's alive! The big fat son of a bitch is alive!" TO BE CONTINUED...
The Story of Boobs (2)
Susan and her grandfather, who calls himself simply the Doctor, appear and say "BOOB, I mean, BOO!", scaring the hamster away. the TARDIS expalains that they should go or die! Over the end credits the are heard trying to decide and THE TARDIS GETS IMPANTIENT!
The Cave of Skulls (3)
The shadow is of a man dressed in animal skins. He watches the TARDIS ominously singing "Bad Romance"
A tribe of cavemen are gathered around one of their members, Sam. Za is a son of a bitch, and so is Colin all people called Colin are, particularly Colin Baker
Back at the TURD, I turd!
The TARDIS warns them again
At this point the Doctor goes to sleep on the job
The four travellers are sealed in the tribe's Cave of Skulls with the bones of many prisoners. The Doctor notices that the skulls have all been split open and the brains eaten. He cries like a baby and screams like a girl for the whole ending credits section.
The Forest of Fear (4)
Still, at least in the Cave of Skulls you don't have to listen to Sarah Jane Smith's constant nagging!! Back at the main cave, the tribe are all are asleep. The female elder wakes up. She steals Za's knife and heads towards the Cave of Skulls. Unbeknownst to the Old Woman, Hur has seen her. When she arrives at the Cave of Skulls, she is met by a large stone that blocks the door. However, she seems to know an alternate route.
Inside the Cave of Skulls, the Doctor and the others are trying to free Ian so he can defend them if needed. Susan screams as Godzilla bursts though a gap in the undergrowth that blocks the cave.
The Firemaker (5)
The four travellers are returned to the encampment. At first, the tribe is hostile to Za and his friends, especially when they accuse him of killing the tribal elder, but the Doctor convinces the tribe that Kal killed Old Mother by tricking Kal into showing the tribe his bloody damn darn swet glachchgooldjdhsajsallod and says he will give them 584758798278944823 grand if they can guess the name. The Doctor and Ian cannot and Susan and Barbra have been eaten by Godzilla. So Homer Simpson proccedes to learn (from Lisa) the secret of fire from them or sacrifice them to Mothra.
In the Cave of Skulls, Ian eats a big fat pie. In the pie is his own children Meanwhile, Kal sneaks back into the camp and watches 'The Importance of Be-ing Ernest'
The Doctor explains that he has no idea where or when they will end up next because the TARDIS is not displaying any data to help him direct the ship. In time, the scanner shows their new destination, a mysterious jungle with strange-looking trees. Before they go out to explore the planet, the Doctor asks Susan to check the radiation levels. They read normal. As the four leave the console room to clean themselves, the radiation detector's needle passes into the "Danger" zone. Susan screams (despite the fact she is dead and in the stomauch of Godzilla)...
They all die!
Cast
Crew
- Writer - Anthony Coburn
- Director - Waris Hussein
- Producer - Verity Lambert
- Script Editor - David Whitaker
- Designers - Barry Newbery, Peter Brachacki
- Assistant Floor Manager - Catherine Childs
- Associate Producer - Margret Minefield
- Costumes - Maureen Heneghan
- Fight Arranger - Derek Ware
- Film Cameraman - Robert Sleigh
- Incidental Music - Norman Kay
- Make-Up - Elizabeth Blattner
- Production Assistants - Douglas Camfield, Tony Lightley
- Special Effects - BBC Visual Effects
- Special Sounds - Brian Hodgson
- Studio Lighting - Geoff Shaw
- Studio Sound - Jack Clayton
- Theme Arrangement - Delia Derbyshire
- Title Music - Ron Grain O. Sand
References
Astronomical objects
- The cavemen worship the Sun God, which they call Anti-Escape Orb (The Prisoner).
- The bit where I get bored and annoyed and smash up the TV is a reference to Dimensions in Time.
Culture
- Za attempts to create worthy foes. He references Pebbles Flinstone, who made fire, but was killed for it. Later, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Peter Grifin From Family Guy are forced to give the cavemen fire in a struggle for the leadership of tea.
Cultural references
- Susan refers to Star Trek (the shows main competeter) when she says "I can't do this, I'm not Doctor f***ing Spock!
- Reference is made to the Doctor and Susan having visited the French Revolution (1789 - 1799) when Susan says something she reads in the book Miss Wright lends her on the subject, titled Harry Potter, is a load of old crap!
- Susan is listening to James when Ian and Barbara walk in.
Devices
- Ian uses a torch and yells "OH SH*T!" when he drops it!.
- Ian, Susan and Barbara make a Sontaran Ship out of clay.
Technology
- The Doctor refers to Winx Club to demonstrate how tottaly crappy the show is.
- The TARDIS took on the disguise of Mickey "the idiot" Smith
Science
- Ian hypnotises Mickey the Idiot to drink discusting water.
Story notes
- This is the very first thing ever.
- The very first words in Doctor Who were spoken by me: "I hate this show no, wait, I love it it's just that Ian Chesterton is tottaly gay!"
- This story is also known as 100,000 BC, The Tribe of Gum, The Firemakers and Cavemen. See disputed story titles for more information.
- The episodes of this story went by different titles during the production stage. Episode 2 was originally known as "The Fire-Maker", Episode 3 was originally known as "The Cave of Skulls" and Episode 4 was originally known as "That Darn Wrtre Kamt slipl!".
- All episodes exist as 16mm telerecordings and are held in the BBC's Film and Videotape Library.
- The original storyline was entitled Nothing at the End of the Lane. A short story by the same name written by Daniel O'Mahony can be found in Short Trips and Side Steps. It suggests the entire first season of the show may just be a psychotic fantasy in the mind of Barbara Wright.
- Lola McGovern (from Charlie and Lola) appears with Charlie Von Fatgayboy]
- I wanted to have a REAL fully functioning chameleon circuit for Christmas but ruled it out on some stupid grounds.
- The bones in the Cave of Skulls were other dogs butts and were very pleasant to smell.
WOOF!!!!
