The Husbands of River Song (TV story): Difference between revisions

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River shows the Doctor a holographic x-ray of Hydroflax's head, which reveals that the [[Halassi Androvar]], the most valuable diamond in the universe, has become lodged in Hydroflax's brain during a raid on the [[Halassi Vaults]] and is slowly killing him. Having been hired by the Halassi to recover the lost treasure, River posed as Hydroflax's nurse and pretended to love him; took less than a week for Hydroflax to propose to her. According to River, men will believe any story they are the hero of. River tells "the surgeon" to remove Hydroflax's entire head, considering it quicker and easier. ''"I'll kill the lights; you kill the patient."'' The Doctor is shocked by River's behaviour, wondering if this is what she's like without him to keep her homicidal tendencies in check. He states that he'll decide what needs to be done because he's the Doctor; however, River doesn't get this obvious hint. River states he reminds her of someone; the Doctor starts to describe his last incarnation, but River exclaims that it's her second wife that he reminds her of. [[File:Hydroflax.jpg|left|thumb|200x200px|Hydroflax learns of his wife's betrayal]]
River shows the Doctor a holographic x-ray of Hydroflax's head, which reveals that the [[Halassi Androvar]], the most valuable diamond in the universe, has become lodged in Hydroflax's brain during a raid on the [[Halassi Vaults]] and is slowly killing him. Having been hired by the Halassi to recover the lost treasure, River posed as Hydroflax's nurse and pretended to love him; took less than a week for Hydroflax to propose to her. According to River, men will believe any story they are the hero of. River tells "the surgeon" to remove Hydroflax's entire head, considering it quicker and easier. ''"I'll kill the lights; you kill the patient."'' The Doctor is shocked by River's behaviour, wondering if this is what she's like without him to keep her homicidal tendencies in check. He states that he'll decide what needs to be done because he's the Doctor; however, River doesn't get this obvious hint. River states he reminds her of someone; the Doctor starts to describe his last incarnation, but River exclaims that it's her second wife that he reminds her of. [[File:Hydroflax.jpg|left|thumb|200x200px|Hydroflax learns of his wife's betrayal]]
They are interrupted by Hydroflax who has listened to their conversation. Hydroflax tells them that if they wanted his head, they should have just asked, promptly removing his head from his body; Hydroflax is truly nothing more than a head on a mechanical body. River notes she thought it was strange they never shared a bathroom. He demands to know who his wife really is; River tells him that she's Professor River Song, archaeologist hired to retrieve the diamond and give back to the people he's taken so much from. She's even got a [[sonic trowel]]. The robot body begin a closing in on River and the Doctor per Hydroflax's orders. However, River threatens Hydroflax's head with her trowel, causing the body to hault. Despite Hydroflax ordering his body to attack, its AI tells him to chill as there is a high probability Hydroflax will be harmed. River shoves Hydroflax in a smelly gym bag she has, despite his protests; she radios her contact [[Ramone]], to teleport her and the Doctor.
They are interrupted by Hydroflax who has listened to their conversation. Hydroflax tells them that if they wanted his head, they should have just asked, promptly removing his head from his body; Hydroflax is truly nothing more than a head on a mechanical body. River notes she thought it was strange they never shared a bathroom. He demands to know who his wife really is; River tells him that she's Professor River Song, archaeologist hired to retrieve the diamond and give back to the people he's taken so much from. She's even got a [[sonic trowel]]. The robot body begin a closing in on River and the Doctor per Hydroflax's orders. However, River threatens Hydroflax's head with her trowel, causing the body to halt. Despite Hydroflax ordering his body to attack, its AI tells him to chill as there is a high probability Hydroflax will be harmed. River shoves Hydroflax in a gym bag she has, despite his protests that it smells; she radios her contact [[Ramone]], to teleport her and the Doctor.


The two end up a foot above the snow and fall. Annoyed, River radios Ramone, telling him to work on the landings. Hearing Hydroflax threaten them, the Doctor bursts out laughing. River tells him its not funny; however the Docotr point out the ridiculousness of being threatened by a bag. They both laugh as Hydroflax continues to yell threats. The Doctor now thinks River was just messing with him, asking if she really does know who he is. River states that she does not, as Ramone arrives; River pulls him into a kiss. The Doctor wonders ''"doesn't [kissing] get boring? It's not a varied activity."'' River reveals Ramone is her (third) husband, whose memory she wiped of their marriage because he was getting annoying. The Doctor sarcastically asks if she's going to murder him as well.
The two end up a foot above the snow and fall. Annoyed, River radios Ramone, telling him to work on the landings. Hearing Hydroflax threaten them, the Doctor bursts out laughing. River tells him its not funny; however the Doctor points out the ridiculousness of being threatened by a bag. They both laugh as Hydroflax continues to yell threats. The Doctor now thinks River was just messing with him, asking if she really does know who he is. River states that she does not, as Ramone arrives; River pulls him into a kiss. The Doctor wonders ''"doesn't [kissing] get boring? It's not a varied activity."'' River reveals Ramone is her (third) husband, whose memory she wiped of their marriage because he was getting annoying. The Doctor sarcastically asks if she's going to murder him as well.


Ramone informs River that he has not found Code Name: ''Damsel in Distress'', despite his capsule being in the village. River asks Ramone if he's sure as he does have twelve faces. Ramone unfolds twelve pictures, which are of the [[First Doctor|First]], [[Second Doctor|Second]], [[Third Doctor|Third]], [[Fourth Doctor|Fourth]], [[Fifth Doctor|Fifth]], [[Sixth Doctor|Sixth]], [[Seventh Doctor|Seventh]], [[Eighth Doctor|Eighth]], [[War Doctor|War]], [[Ninth Doctor|Ninth]], [[Tenth Doctor|Tenth]] and [[Eleventh Doctor]]s; he adamantly states that none of these men are in town. River is flabbergasted as she crashed Hydroflax's ship in this location because it's where she had the best chance to meet up with the Doctor. Deciding to tease River, the Doctor states that he may have a face she doesn't know about; knowing the Doctor [[Journey's End (TV story)|wasted a regeneration]], River states that he has "limits."
Ramone informs River that he has not found Code Name: ''Damsel in Distress'', despite his capsule being in the village. River asks Ramone if he's sure as he does have twelve faces. Ramone unfolds twelve pictures, which are of the [[First Doctor|First]], [[Second Doctor|Second]], [[Third Doctor|Third]], [[Fourth Doctor|Fourth]], [[Fifth Doctor|Fifth]], [[Sixth Doctor|Sixth]], [[Seventh Doctor|Seventh]], [[Eighth Doctor|Eighth]], [[War Doctor|War]], [[Ninth Doctor|Ninth]], [[Tenth Doctor|Tenth]] and [[Eleventh Doctor]]s; he adamantly states that none of these men are in town. River is flabbergasted as she crashed Hydroflax's ship in this location because it's where she had the best chance to meet up with the Doctor. Deciding to tease River, the Doctor states that he may have a face she doesn't know about; knowing the Doctor [[Journey's End (TV story)|wasted a regeneration]], River states that he has "limits."
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