It's Raining Gin (short story)

Stand well clear, Jo!

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	Matthew Corbett, Sooty, Sweep, Soo
	Iris Wildthyme, Panda
	Seaside, 20th century
	Obverse Books
	Jon Arnold
	Comedy
	The Curse of Fanfic!
	2 August 2020
	Short story

It's Raining Gin was the eighteenth short story exclusively published in The Curse of Fanfic! charity anthology on 2 August 2020 by Obverse Books in aid of Parkinson's UK. The story, written by Jon Arnold, was an unofficial crossover between The Sooty Show and the Iris Wildthyme series.

Plot

For the latest episode of the The Sooty Show — a special edition that lacks pictures as it would be too expensive to produce despite everyone saving up money all year, as the money has seemingly been lost — Matthew Corbett narrates himself taking Sooty, Sweep and Soo to the seaside. They arrive at the bus stop, but as they see a bus approach, Matthew realises that its advertised location of Putney Common is a long way away from them. The driver greets them, and to Matthew's displeasure, having met her before, recognises her as Iris Wildthyme. She shouts out to Sooty and asks him for a hug. Sweep squeaks excitedly at seeing Iris, and she pulls out a gun and aims it at him. However, the gun is a glass gin pistol, filled with Bombay Sapphire; she demonstrates its functionality by aiming it into her mouth and squirting, as Sweep frantically squeaked at being held at gun point.

Panda then rakishly flirts with Soo, surprising Matthew as the last time he met Iris, she was travelling with a (probably) human friend. He proposes to take her for lunch at "the most divine" French restaurant while leaving "these uncultured ruffians to their own devices", extending a paw to Soo, and while she is reluctant to leave as she thinks Sooty and Sweep will get into mischief, Panda assures her Iris will look after them. Demurely, she accepts Panda's offer, and they enter the bus and leave, the engine spluttering before it completely disappears, as if it was removed between scenes. Sooty, Sweep, and Iris "conspiratorially" giggle, Iris telling them now they're going to have to some fun, and perhaps even make Matthew, who Iris thinks is a "misery guts", smile. Matthew then tells his viewers to imagine the advert break here while he plays the music, so they'll have to imagine something they want, such as a toy or chocolate.

After the break, Matthew states that the normal bus arrived and had taken them to the seaside. As he speaks about the lovely weather, noting there isn't a cloud in sight, it immediately goes foul and begins to rain. They enter a chippy to escape the rain and to get fish and chips, only to find, after they sit at a table to begin eating, a black cloud has followed them inside and is raining exclusively over their heads. The owner of the shop isn't impressed at the steady flooding of the shop, and Iris climbs on the table and starts scolding the cloud and gesturing to it in ways inappropriate for a family show, although Matthew cannot tell what she is saying due to the thunder. Sooty and Sweep hide under the table, and Matthew states that soon, they'll be getting the paddle they wished to have in the sea. Iris reprimands the cloud, for ruining people's fun, every summer, but the cloud seems to respond with a pleased rumble, but as she continues to glare at the cloud, the thunders begins to sound like a laugh.

After arriving at the seaside in an ordinary bus, the weather turns foul, beginning to rain. The group goes inside a chippy to flee from the downpour, only to realise that a black could has followed them inside, and is raining on them.

Characters

• Matthew Corbett
• Dave
• Mr Tonibello
• Sooty
• Sweep
• Soo
• Iris Wildthyme
• Panda
• Owner
• Scampi

Referenced only

• Paddington Bear

References

Language

• Dave, the producer of The Sooty Show, swore when he said they couldn't afford pictures, but Matthew, upon quoting him, said "bloomin'" instead, to keep it child friendly.

The seaside

• Matthew wants to go on the big dipper while Sooty wants to go on the ghost train, Sweep is only interested in his lunchtime sausage, and Soo wants to do some sunbathing.
• Soo brought a swimsuit to wear by the side of the pool.
• Iris mentions that the cloud always ruins people's fun after they get themselves ready for "a quick dip, an ice cream and a few tatty souvenirs".
• Iris thinks the cloud has ruined her ciggies.

Species

• Sooty lost his voice to voice eating wombats on Metebelis Four. The wombats store his voice inside the Cacophony of Doom.

People

• Dave is the producer of The Sooty Show.
• Mr Tonibello works behind scenes of The Sooty Show.
• Matthew thinks Iris is an "daft old bat". He also thinks that someone her age shouldn't leap down the bus's steps, as it is undignified.
• Matthew is apathetic to Sweep being held at gun point, as he would think it would've been nice to know him if he hadn't been so consistently annoying.
• Sweep is a little puppy.
• Iris calls Sweep a "daft apeth" for thinking the gun was a water pistol.
• Matthew thinks to himself that the issue with Iris is that she doesn't have to get the group to sleep at night after working them up with her funny stories and terrible adventures.
• Matthew recalls that last time he met Iris, she was travelling with a human companion.
• Panda thinks that Soo looks as divine as Catherine Deneuve in The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.
• Panda is wearing a smoking jacket and a "fetching" red scarf.

Food and drink

• Matthew couldn't even make up the lack of pictures in the latest episode with an ice-cream for Sooty, but there weren't any left in the studio.
• When Sweep squeaks excitedly, Matthew thinks to himself that the last time he squeaked like that was when he was at Butchers Sausage Fun Park.
• Iris also gives Sweep a string of sausages that is disproportionate to the size of her handbag.
• Soo tells her friend she'll be back in time for tea.
• During the break, Matthew guesses that the audience made a cuppa.

Notes

• It's Raining Gin was excluded from the Bafflement & Devotion: Iris at the Edges charity anthology — a collection of then-obscure Iris Wildthyme short stories — as it was only released a few months prior, although writer Jon Arnold considered it good possibility for inclusion in a second volume.

Continuity

• Curiously, this story is not the first to depict Sooty existing as a real individual, as the 2008 short story The Beasthouse, written by Lawrence Miles, also depicted Sooty existing in-universe; he was the target of an assassination attempt by the Syndicate.

Footnotes