Sky Pirates! (novel)

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Sky Pirates! or The Eyes of the Schirron[1] is the fortieth New Adventures novel. It features the Seventh Doctor, Bernice Summerfield and new companions Roz Forrester and Chris Cwej in their first full novel as companions.

Publisher's summary[[edit] | [edit source]]

Avast, ye scurvies!

Hoist the mainbrace, splice the anchor and join the Doctor and Benny for the maiden voyage of the good ship Schirron Dream, as it ventures into the fungral dark of air spaces occupied by the Sloathes - those villainous slimy evil shapeshifting monsters of utter and unmitigated evil that have placed a system under siege!

Watch Roslyn Forrester and Chris Cwej have a rough old time of it in durance vile! Meet the intrepid Captain Li Shao, and the beautiful if somewhat single-minded Sun Samurai Leetha t'Zhan! Roast on the dunes of Prometheus, swelter in the foetid jungles of Anea, swim with the Obi-Amphibians of Elysium and freeze off inconvenient items of anatomy on the ice wastes of Reklon in an apparently doomed search for the Eyes of the Schirron, the magickal jewels that will either save the system or destroy it utterly!

Who will live? Who will die? Will the Doctor ever play the harmonium again? All these questions and many more will be answered within the coruscating, fibrillating pages of ... Sky Pirates!

Plot[[edit] | [edit source]]

Within a hermetically-sealed environment known as "the System" lies the mysterious Planet X. This planet is not a native of the System but is a wandering planet which found its way in-between the four Wanderers within the System. From out of this Planet came the Sloathes, who began to infest the System and steal all of its resources. Though this is a great threat to the System, a greater threat is a discontinuity in the orbits of the Wanderers which threatens to completely destroy the System. This greatly angers Kraator Xem, the leader of the Sloathes. After watching over the Wanderers as various lesser Sloathes consume each other, Kraator Xem's two right-"hand" Sloathes (Sekor Dom and Lokar Pan) meet with the Most Elevated and Puissant Sloathe. The three discuss the invasion of the "green planet" which has been held up by an aboriginal Sun cult which has managed to survive Sloathe bombardment for ten years. Kraator Xem demands that Lokar Pan make the members of the Sun cult "stop pretending to move". Once Lokar Pan leaves, Kraator Xem snares a lesser Sloathe and eats the creature.

Canto First: A Sudden Arrival[[edit] | [edit source]]

In Rakath (the last of the Anean Dirigible cities to survive the Sloathe invasion), the Sun-Samurai host a mock-ritual to "find" their "Chosen One". After ritualistically playing hide-and-seek, the high priest Kimon finds a young Anean Seku named Leetha t'Zhan in a chest. Leetha then drags Kimon to her space travel-capable biplane and departs Anea to start a quest for the Eyes. As they leave, the Dirigible cities are destroyed and they are watched by a mysterious figure.

Shortly after joining the TARDIS to escape the fallout of the conspiracy within the Guild of Adjudicators, Roz joins the Doctor and Benny in an expedition through the TARDIS's rooms. This eventually brings the three of them to a large jungle-like area with a ziggurat at its center. While the Doctor and Benny lounge around, Roz floats on a raft in a fish pond and thinks over recent events until she is found by a lizard creature.

Shortly after leaving Anea, Kimon and Leetha are captured by a Sloathe freighter. They are kept in a polyp for several weeks (with Kimon's will to live being essentially destroyed) before the captain of the freighter summons them and demands that they explain the Holy Book that Kimon brought with him. Unbeknownst to anyone on the freighter, they are being followed through the Ring by a freighter belonging to the infamous pirate Nathan li Shao. Before boarding the Sloathe freighter, Nathan demands that his crew do not loot the ship or murder any hostages kept within its bowels. This proclamation is made largely towards one Mr. Pelt.

The lizard-being is revealed to be Chris Cwej - who woke up in the body with no knowledge of how this happened. According to the Doctor, the TARDIS attempted to stop the effects of the Hithis ship from causing massive damage to Chris' body-beppled form. Though the TARDIS accidentally gave Chris this new body, the Doctor is able to return Chris to a human form (sans clothes, which greatly embarrases Chris). The Doctor then reveals that he plans to take a vacation but is interrupted by what appears to be a distress call. Once inside the TARDIS's console room, the three humans see conflicting versions of a ship under attack. The Doctor realizes that it is a trap and attempts to stop the TARDIS from following the signal. Unfortunately, he is too late and the TARDIS materializes right in the center of a reality bomb.

After captain Trenkor Lep rips off one of Kimon's ears and prepares to feed him to a tub of Sloathe young, the Promethean lapses out of his metabolic dormancy and attacks Sekor. Though this gives Leetha enough time to escape Sekor with the Holy Book, the Promethean is killed and consumed by the young. While Sekor hunts down Leetha, its freighter is attacked by Nathan's ship while it is still within the Ring. This exposes Leetha to a massive amount of hallucinogenic substances before she is found by a member of Nathan's crew. Unfortunately, this is Mr. Pelt - who shoots at Leetha before asking if she "wishes to breed".

While searching through the depths of the ship, Nathan and Kiru realize that its captain - along with Mr. Pelt - has gone missing. Before Mr. Pelt can commit unspeakable horrors to Leetha, he is shot through the head by Li Shao. While Kiru gives Leetha a respirator, Nathan finds Pelt's Reklonian companion and begins choking him as punishment for not watching over Pelt. While trying to convince Nathan not to kill the Reklonian, Kiru notices an odd section of wall. This "wall" reveals itself to be Trenkor Lep - who attacks the assembled pirates.

Unbeknownst to Leetha, her quest for the Eyes has been watched over by a mysterious ancient creature which lurks at the center of the System. This creature is enraged by the possible death of Leetha at the hand of the Sloathes. Unfortunately for this creature, its powers have wained to such an extent that it has little influence over the System proper. As such, it is forced to root through the surroundings of the System and grab a creation of its species' destroyers which it finds tumbling and spinning through the void and throw it at Trenkor.

After the TARDIS is caught in the reality bomb's explosion, the console room loses all notion of gyroscopic function. While Benny, Roz, and Chris are flung about the room as it spins, the Doctor manages to cling to the console while screaming in agony. By the time Benny reaches the Doctor he stops screaming but has lapsed into a delirious state. While the Doctor is still in this delirious state, the TARDIS materializes.

Right before Trenkor (who has become nigh-animalistic after feasting on the flesh of the freighter) can kill Leetha or Nathan, the TARDIS smashes through hir body. Though this does not kill Trenkor, it does take hir out of commission for a brief moment. The TARDIS is immensely damaged - its form not even vaguely resembling a police box. First the still-delirious Doctor steps out and briefly points his umbrella at Nathan before fainting. He is closely followed by Benny - who remains lucid for a brief moment before coming under the influence of the Ring's atmosphere and fainting - before the TARDIS vanishes.

While Nathan readies his crew to leave the freighter before it vanishes, Kraator Xem notices the theft from one of hir freighters and is enraged by the mere concept of someone taking from hir. Hir is only calmed by Sekor Dom, who reveals that the crew of the ship plan to return to Sere and that hir has contacts within the asteroid. Deeper within Planet X, the TARDIS materializes - with Chris and Roz stepping outside almost immediately after this. After watching the TARDIS begin to heal itself, the two begin to explore Planet X (with Roz being disturbed by her surroundings while Chris finds Planet X "neat" and "weird").

Deep within the System, the creature which grabbed the TARDIS now begins to reflect on the immediate aftermath of this decision. Though it knew about the Time Lord within, it did not know about that Time Lord's companions. It considers this an extremely minor setback and prepares itself to begin its plans now that "its pawns" are now in place.

Canto Second: A Question of Finance[[edit] | [edit source]]

to be added

Characters[[edit] | [edit source]]

Worldbuilding[[edit] | [edit source]]

Books[[edit] | [edit source]]

Drugs and medicines[[edit] | [edit source]]

Food and beverages[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • The Doctor once gave Li Shao a chocolate-coated liquorice that was garlic- and spam-flavoured.
  • The Doctor hypothesizes that the Sloathes are capable of becoming beings far more complex than he had considered after Sgloomi Po develops the ability to digest a cheese and pickle sandwich.

Individuals[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Chris Cwej is around twenty years old. He is showed to be "well endowed" and somewhat shy.
  • One of the Navaho's mythical figures is a being known as "Nayenezgani". This mythical hero "protected the world from the forces of destruction".
  • While in the TARDIS's ziggurat room, the Doctor listens to a recording of Mr. George Formby.
  • Shortly after joining the TARDIS, Roz found the Doctor "three feet off the floor, juggling four variecoloured balls of blinding plasma and singing to himself an insane little song about a grackle, in three voices, simultaneously."
  • While in the System, Benny frequently devolves into long lectures about various topics.

Locations[[edit] | [edit source]]

The System[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • The System is a "perfect gaseous globe, encapsulated by an electrostatic Möbeus bubble-shell, through which the four high-density Wanderers spin around the Sun". The intrusion of Planet X has caused the System's bubble-shell to "thrash and flare about it".
  • Between the orbits of Aneas and Elysium is a massive Ring of extremely small silicate fragments and hallucinogenic gas.
ANEAs[[edit] | [edit source]]
  • Aneas is a jungle-world with one massive river (known as the Anacon River) which splits into a "almost vascular maze". The Anacon River has long gone stagnant and the jungles of Anea formed from this.
  • Rakath is one of the Dirigible cities of Anea. It is home to a group known (roughly) as the Sun-Samurai, who were the last Anean survivors of the Sloathe assaults.
Planet X[[edit] | [edit source]]
  • The homeworld of the Sloathes, Planet X is not native to the System but is a wandering planet which entered into the System "millennia ago [due to] some long-forgotten catastrophe". Its surface is made of basalt and pockmarked with volcanic craters. Extremely strong winds constantly blow on its surface.

Occupations[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Bernice works as a strip club waitress for some of this novel.

Species[[edit] | [edit source]]

The Sloathes[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Sloathes are a hermaphroditic race native to Planet X. Their main goal in life is to collect various objects from other planets. They have the ability to warp their own bodies and take on extremely surreal forms. Despite this, they are said to lack generative creativity and their forms almost always are based around objects or beings that they have seen before.
  • The Sloathes believe that most (if not all) other life is simply pretending to move around and show signs of life.
  • When not morphing their body, Sloathes resemble soft and scaly obloids.
  • Only Sloathes larger or the same size as a large dog are sentient. Those below this size spend their days consuming each other in the depths of Planet X.
  • Sloathe ships are built from the bodies of the few Sloathes with mental deformities after these Sloathes are grown to massive proportions.
  • While within their freighters, the prisoners of the Sloathes are kept in polyps.

The TARDIS[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • The TARDIS's "ziggurat room" is a reconstruction of a jungle with a ziggurat and a fish pond within it. It is most likely part of its memory-banks.
  • The TARDIS is able to "edit" the biologies of the beings within it (though it is possibly only able to do this if they have gone through something like body beppling). To stop Chris from dying due to the effects of the Hithis ship, it edits his biology to stop these effects. This briefly leads to Chris becoming a large humanoid lizard-creature.

Time Lords[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Following (one of) the Time Wars, the Time Lords pattern encoded their unborn with a multi-dimensional response to kill their ancient enemies.

Time wars[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • The Time Wars mentioned in this novel relate to when the Time Lords first achieved time travel. These wars were to eliminate potential threats.
  • The reality bomb that nearly destroyed the TARDIS was the remnant of one of the species retroactively eliminated from the timeline during the Time Wars. This is possibly the Charons.

Vehicles[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • While battling the Sloathes, the Sun-Samurai use biplanes.

Notes[[edit] | [edit source]]

Continuity[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Sgloomi Po compares controlling a Sloathe ship to having and flying an enormous body, and suggests that Chris would enjoy it. Chris would eventually be given the biological advantages of the House Military, meaning that having a ship for a body would be a possibility for him. (PROSE: Dead Romance, The Book of the War)
  • The "reality bomb" makes Chris see footage of a ship under attack by the Daleks. Though Chris never encountered the Daleks before this, he watched reconstructions of the Third Dalek War as a child.
  • The Doctor is shown to be able to levitate. He was first shown using this gift in COMIC: Levitation.
  • It is implied that the Time Lords wiped out a race that could achieve a similar mastery of space and time; a similar idea is considered in AUDIO: Zagreus.
  • The crew of the Schirron Dream reappear in PROSE: Oblivion.

Illustrations[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Canto illustration

    Canto illustration

  • Aneas

    Aneas

  • The Temple of Ankara-Ha-Ha

    The Temple of Ankara-Ha-Ha

  • The 45-Second Piglet

    The 45-Second Piglet


  1. ↑ The full title appears only on the title page.

External links[[edit] | [edit source]]

v • e
Virgin Books New Adventures
Seventh
Doctor
1991
1992
1993
1994
1995
1996
1997
Bernice
Summerfield
1997
1998
1999
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