The Crikeytown Cancellations (short story)

The Crikeytown Cancellations
Key crew
Writer:	Charles Murphy
Release details
Part of:	The Boulevard: Volume One
Release date:	1 June 2022
Faction Paradox
← Previous	This Is What They Took From You

The Crikeytown Cancellations was the tenth and final story in The Boulevard: Volume One.

Summary

Note here that the story is told as if it were a transcription of a comic, focusing on individual scenes and dialogue within discrete panels.

Panels 1-7

At Crikeytown Comprehensive, the slobs and the snobs sit on opposite sides of the room as their teacher, Miss Snatcher, informs them all that they're being forced to perform in a performance of Macbeth that afternoon for the Mayor of Crikeytown. The slobs are frustrated, as their plan to go to the arcade that day has been ruined, but the snobs are elated, more work for the teacher always helps, and thanks to their family connections they get the best parts in the play. Tommy the Terror slips some pills into the snobs ginger beer during rehearsal. That evening, as the play begins, the snobs playing the Three Witches have uncontrollable gas and force the play to be canceled.

Panels 8-15

In the arcade the slobs play games against each other, Naughty Nancy losing to Tommy, and Zeke the Sneak reading a list of cheat codes in the corner. Three new slobs show up, Jill Thrill, Babyface, and Stu Spencer, all of whom act in ways different from the rest of the cast. Jill is a daredevil racer, Babyface is a wrestling baby, and Stu is an influencer. The appearance of these three prompts The Reader to wonder how they just showed up. As this happens, Tommy regenerates, in preparation for the whole town doing so. People change to keep up with the times, and those that can't adapt are... replaced.

Panels 16-27

Nancy is worried, there are only so many girls who are relevant, and while she's top dog, Jill Thrill could replace her. So Nancy decides that Jill has to have an accident before the rest of the town regenerates, calling together Zeke and Ned Ed, playing on the former's insecurity and suggesting that Jill wants to erase the later, in order to recruit them for her scheme. She assures the two that all that will happen is running the three new characters out of town.

Panels 28-40

Nancy and her goons lure Stu to a quarry outside town and pushes him down the hole, killing him. She then points out that he was taking pictures the whole time, being an influencer, so they can't rat her out, or they'll go down too. One of the snobs, Soppy Sammy, comes over, shocked, asking if Stu's alright. Nancy threatens him to keep quiet and chases him off.

Panels 41-57

Later on, Nancy convinces Babyface, well, merely asks him, to participate in a deathmatch with Ned. At the end, as Babyface is winning, the arena breaks, killing Babyface and terrifying the onlookers, all of whom are reminded of their own mortality. Sheriff Squarejaw arrives to the scene and declares that he doesn't think that this was an accident. While he's searching for clues, he also decides that Stu's death is connected, leading Ned to have a nervous breakdown.

Panels 58-60

Nancy decides that her and Zeke won't be sufficient to get the rest of the job done, so she goes to the nearby town of Dunfunnin, full of outcasts, like Paddy Whack the Irish stereotype and Bossy Boots the argumentative schoolgirl. The caricatures sign a contract to kill some people and come back into Crikeytown with Nancy.

Panels 65-76

Ned's corpse is found along with a suicide note saying he killed Stu and Babyface. Squarejaw wraps up the case, though Jill is still suspicious. Sammy finds Jill and tells her that the two need to hide, he knows who's killing people and that the two of them are next. Out in the town, Nancy tries to keep things working and keep Tommy zany and fun, now that she's on top. But slowly but surely the town starts to decay.

Panels 77-80

In his hideout, Sammy expresses concern that the town is going to vanish in two days at the latest, and neither he nor Jill has an answer. But The Reader points out that this is a story in a Faction Paradox anthology, they could just ask The Faction for some help. Sammy loves the idea but has no clue how to do so. The Editor, complaining that he has to fix yet another story, says he'll find a way to write Faction Paradox into this one.

Panels 81-97

Nancy's reign of terror is taking it's toll on Zeke who goes to confess to Squarejaw. However, when he does, it turns out to be Nancy in disguise! Just as Zeke is about to die, Cousin Sequential shows up and zaps Nancy off to The Boulevard for her crimes. Zeke goes to thank Sequential but gets zapped as well for being such a coward. Cousin Sequential vworps off as the entire town glows with regeneration energy.

Characters

• Tommy the Terror
• Naughty Nancy
• Zeke the Sneak
• Jill Thrill
• Babyface
• Stu Spencer
• The Reader
• Ned Ed
• Soppy Sammy
• Sheriff Squarejaw
• Paddy Whack
• Bossy Boots
• The Editor
• Cousin Sequential

References

• Paddy Whack's dialogue has many different offensive caricatures of the Irish, from saying he gets violent because he's Irish, to the phrase "Leapin’ leprechauns".

• Bossy Boots similarly represents a very stereotypical and outdated type of female character who's asking for control but wants to give it all up for a strong man. Oh, and she left Crikeytown after Jimmy Savile made a guest appearance.

• In addition to those two, there's a third character, Gunga Din 2000. A robot in the form of an 1850s stereotype of an East Indian man. All of his dialogue is censored for being too racist by Obverse Management.

• The three caricatures actually end up dressing up as John Who, Gillian Who, and a Trod.

Notes

• Stuart Douglas stated that he felt the idea for this story was "brilliant" and that he would never have come up with it.

Continuity

to be added