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Henry Van Statten was the seventh short story exclusively published on the Who is Doctor Who? website on 30 April 2005[1] by the BBC webteam to coincide with the broadcast of Dalek. This story, framed as an interview with Henry Van Statten himself, was notable for introducing the GEOCOMTEX tie-in website through an in-universe advertisement for Geocomtex.
Henry Van Statten was also the final story on Who is Doctor Who? to feature the ability for users to submit their own fiction to the site; however, the British Rocket Group tie-in website, released on 18 December 2005, did include one final place on any tie-in website to accept user-submitted fiction.
Plot
On Who is Doctor Who?, instead of writing about aliens like he previously had done, Mickey instead interviews US dotcom giant Henry Van Statten, well known for his interest in aliens. Last week's event is now being dismissed as a hoax, as both the the Government and the world's media are conspiring to cover it up, and so, Mickey asks Van Statten for his thoughts on the event, as he is one of the few "unafraid" to believe.
Van Statten responds, straightforwardly asserting that aliens visited Earth, attempting to destroy humanity, but instead — although in a method that eludes Van Statten's understanding — humanity was able to destroy them; this excites him. Mickey questions why there would be a cover up, and Van Statten feels that it was more a "near-miss", as humanity — as small minded as they are — would've been faced with an "unacceptable situation", so it is easier for forget than to cope with aliens. Mickey brings up the existence of evidence of the event, and Van Statten simply thinks that there will have been a "vast clear-up" to store anything left over away from the public and then to be closely examined.
Mickey asks Van Statten how he can know this for certain and if this was precedented. Van Statten is sure of it, knowing that the planet has been visited since the beginning, and, that like "daytrippers in the park", the leave things behind; sometimes just scraps, sometimes things more interesting, and it when people who find these remains, especially those who know of their significance, is when people like him get lucky. Mickey asks for clarification, and Van Statten explains that these people — like himself and Mickey — are those who want a piece of the stars. For himself, it started with moondust, which he obtained in an ammo fair; as he couldn't not physically travel to an alien world, this was "ultimate", to have alien grit run through his hands. However, to Van Statten, this had been easy, and the actual challenge was acquiring actual alien artefacts.
Mickey, rhetorically, exclaims if Van Statten is kidding, which he denies. He goes on, explaining that in the past few years, his firm — GEOCOMTEX — has properly begun to take off, and that has resulted in the money for him to afford whatever he wants. He divulges the existence of "the Gray Market", an underground trading scene specialising in "leftovers and curios", although he has had to learn to differentiate real artefacts from fakes and loons. He admits that it is addictive. Van Statten hopes to, one day, meet the holidaymakers who left these little hints of their existence behind. Mickey asks Van Statten if this is his ambition, and it is: to him, as fun as configuring mainframes is, he is just a kid who wants to be an astronaut who goes to Mars and befriend an alien. Mickey thanks him for his time.
Mickey then reveals a competition for his readers, where — thanks to Van Statten's generosity — a pile of the latest Geocomtex Hardware will be awarded as a prize to the person who writes the best entry to the prompt...
- "Why I want to meet an alien".
Entries
The collection of entries is arranged in order, oldest first
| # | Character | Summary |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hamsterizer | Hamsterizer would like to meet an alien for fun, going to visits to galleries and walks in the park and possibly something more, preferring non-smokers. |
| 2 | Barney Loves Doctor Who | Barney_Loves_Doctor_Who would like to meet an alien so they can learn about its cultures and teach it human cultures, showing it all the tourist sights they have here on Earth and show it Doctor Who, suggesting that it would recognise the Doctor. |
| 3 | Becky | Becky would like to see an alien so she could get it to blow up every school in the country. |
| 4 | Charlie | Charlie once saw a UFO land in the forest. |
| 5 | James Hind | James wants to communicate with extra-terrestrial beings because it would be a great discovery to find a living specimen of an extra-terrestrial race beyond the galaxy and beyond any other known galaxy in the always expanding universe. If the alien race had superior technology to humans, he would take some of their technology and discover what is composed of and use it for the good of mankind, for mankind would possibly became more advanced than the aliens that originally created the technology in a matter of years, even if the technology is the lowest form of technology for their race, mankind could become much more advanced than they would have been had they not discovered the technology. |
| 6 | Mia | Mia wants to meet aliens so she can escape school as she has exams for a week coming up and an essay coming up so she would take a holiday, asking if they have good food up there. |
| 7 | Mr Barry | Mr Barry says those dang aliens stole dog Rusty and that he wants it back, asking if the aliens hear him. |
| 8 | john | john would ask the aliens why do they always look so ugly. |
| 9 | Alfred Omega | Alfred is convinced that aliens would want to eat humans like humans eat animals on Earth. He would like to meet one to ask if they are going to eat humans and if so, how would they prepare humans. He would rather that humans would rather be killed humanely than say boiled alive as that would be awful. |
| 10 | P AC | P AC would like to meet an alien with time travel capability so they could transport back to 20 January 1991 as they know where they would be at certain times so they would hunt themself down and beat some sense into themself so they did not mess their life up for the following five years. |
| 11 | Alastair | Alastair saw a low flying aircraft with blinking lights at nighttime, claiming that it flew above him and the alien on board spoke to him in his head: "You know too much!" He says it was scary but that he still believes in aliens, insisting that it was not a hoax. |
| 12 | Wembley101 | Wembley101 says that meeting an alien would give a perspective on what it means to be human; what is universal and part of humanity, how much of their values come form the fact that they are omnivores that live in small social groups, would aliens have descended from solitary carnivores, or herbivores living in huge herds, or have a completely different view. Is love, pair-bonding and parent-child relationships a result of biology and would asexual aliens that hatched from eggs have such a concept. What other emotions might aliens have that humans know nothing of. Other human cultures are mind-boggling enough, a truly alien one would be unimaginable. That is why humans need to actually meet them. |
| 13 | will | will would like to meet an alien to find out what life in outer space is like and to see if humans are doomed. |
| 14 | Gothy | Gothy wants to know if there is an alien that looks a bit wolf-life. |
| 15 | Bisqwit | Bisqwit is not interested in aliens and instead wants a Dimensional Warp Generator, asking if Geocomtex makes those. Alternatively, they need some parts for a Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit. |
| 16 | sam udy | sam udy would like to find out if there is life on Mars. |
| 17 | Quantum | Quantum used to watch all the SF shows on TV including Space Voyage, The Black Dossier and The Stranger, and complains that the aliens on them were all wrong, basically just humans with one feature exaggerated, and that they know real aliens would be more different than that. |
| 18 | Catch33 | Catch33 wants to meet an alien to know where Elvis is. |
| 19 | Mr Hodge | Mr Hodge wants to meet an alien so he can have his body genetically engineered and go and live on an inhospitable planet where he can meet "the queen" and take part in the conquest of the universe. |
| 20 | Dan | Dan wants to meet any alien, preferably good, and to get off of this forsaken planet and go somewhere fun rather than boring old Earth. |
| 21 | L.J | L.J at [email protected] has always believed they are an alien, often finding themself completely at a loss with humanity and are pretty sure that they are not part of the species. They sit and watch humans fight wars, kill and hurt each other in increasingly horrible ways and in their heart they know they cannot be part of the same race. If they could meet another alien he/she/it could tell them perhaps where they come from and who their people are. |
| 22 | Daniel Fish | Daniel Fish says that on Saturday, for a special treat, he would like an alien to meet, he would treat them well, feed them jelly and help them to get on the telly. |
| 23 | Nik | Nik wants to meet an alien because they might have the answer to the key question: what is 24 across in the Cork Collector Weekly's Crafty Cryptic Crossword. |
| 24 | michael | michael does not know why he wants to meet an alien, only that they are cool. |
| 25 | HAL | HAL meets aliens everyday called "Ooomans", which they find rather quaint if eminently exploitable. |
| 26 | Zithut | Zithut says their five year old sister is an alien. |
| 27 | eddy | eddy would like an alien to play the drums for his band as long as they do not kill him. |
| 28 | Annie | Annie wants to meet an alien so they can prove to the government and the rest of the world that they are real, and they might be kinda cute. |
| 29 | Freya | Freya believes that an alien would be so interesting to meet in regards to asking them about where they live, though humans would probably try to experiment on one. |
| 30 | Hallam, aged 11 | Hallam says aliens are technologically and it would make a great opportunity to be part of something like that, one could take a photograph with an alien and communicate with the alien. |
| 31 | Sean L | Sean L reports that a woman at one of his workplaces works in a dark office all the time. When he was in to meet about something today he noticed that she has a second inner eyelid that blinks from side to side and that she also claims to be photosensitive. |
| 32 | K | K wants to meet an alien because they believe aliens live between humans on Earth and have been for years, that they hold the key to ideas and technology far beyond our own. |
| 33 | Rachel | Rachel claims to be like the Doctor, having come from another planet and being the last of her kind. She would like to meet an alien just to know she is not the only one here. |
| 34 | Simon BJ | Simon BJ wants to meet an alien so that when humanity is gone, the end of intelligence is not down to them. |
| 35 | Steve | Steve says that on the island Earth, humans are alone and so dreadfully unique. With denizens from other worlds a bona fide reality, humans could finally learn about themselves as part of something much bigger. |
| 36 | Charles M | Charles M is simply curious to learn how he/she/it lives and what their homeworld looks like. |
| 37 | Neil [email protected] | Neil says that aliens do not exist, that if they were a lot of people would have found them and that he has done 50 units of Seti@home in 5 years. He says that he believes every thing the papers tell him about the alien hoax two weeks ago and that can he please have his goodies now. |
| 38 | Sad crusader | Sad crusader wants to meet an alien to relieve their overwhelming sense of existential angst and to travel which would be good, but mostly to stop feeling so very alone in this cold and lifeless universe. |
| 39 | opheliablossom | opheliablossom wants to meet an alien to find out what they thought of ET. |
| 40 | Kathy | Kathy wants to meet an alien so that she can finally feel like there is more than just this world, know that there is a galaxy and more out there than was thought, more mystery than humans as a species alone have had, to know that there is more than petty politics, that there is a wide universe full of mystery to explore so that humans can finally unite and start thinking as a whole instead of being divided against theirselves. |
| 41 | The Lady | The Lady notes not to forget that humans are the aliens to those from other worlds. |
| 42 | Nathan | Nathan wants to meet an alien so he can ask why people spend so much time wearing digital watches. |
| 43 | Steve Searle | Steve wants to meet an alien between the ages of 20 to 5000 for fun, friendship and maybe more, a non-smoker who likes cats, cuddles and staying on a Saturday night. |
| 44 | Liam Rowbotham | Liam wants to meet an alien because his x'Zork translator is faulty and he needs assistance in rebuilding it and he might be able to with some decent Blorg. |
| 45 | Katharine | Katharine wants to meet an alien so he can ask it what they have done with Elvis, Lord Lucan and her cat. |
| 46 | chris | chris wants to meet an alien so he can get a lift home. |
| 47 | Marky | Marky suggests that aliens might understand his morbid fascination for weasels. |
| 48 | ndorphn | ndorphn reports contact made with robotic aliens in the Australian outback near Uluru. After watching their ship land their group thought to give the aliens a gift to welcome them and sure up interplanetary relations with their new friends but all they had was some gold dust which unintentionally killed them, though this Doctor chap who turned up was impressed with what they did. |
| 49 | Depresso | Depresso wants to meet an alien because he might be their friend. |
| 50 | novachild | novachild wants to mete an alien because they are an alien who has been all alone on Earth since the late '70s and even then the dating scene was getting pretty thin. |
| 51 | Vivianna | Vivianna wants to meet an alien because they just have great fashion sense. |
| 52 | Jamandell (d69) | Jamandell (d69) cannot wait to meet an alien because it would be really cool as long as it was not evil and wanting world domination and perhaps it will give them lots of money and an elixir of life |
| 53 | loverly lolita | loverly lolita would like to meet an alien so that they can discuss how to work their microwave. |
| 54 | michael rose | michael rose san an alien and its craft once near Bradwell in Derbyshire. The craft was while, luminous and approximately 100m long. The aliens were small, dark and fast. Though it was twenty years ago he remembers it as though it were yesterday. |
| 55 | Glenn | Glenn wants to meet an alien because they may have a higher understanding than humans and so he can see the stars. |
| 56 | Marvin | Marvin, who apologises for mistakes as his spelling is not so good, was sat in the garden with his cocoa and blanket looking at the stars on an ordinary Tuesday night when he saw a small red dot move over in the vicinity of Venus, just a short wobble caught in his infra-red binoculars. The dot began to increase in size and finally reached a size of roughly a foot without binoculars from where he was sitting. It divided into two spheres which went their separate ways. Marvin has since seen other smaller spheres and suggests that the original one was the mother ship and wants to find out. |
| 57 | Pete | Pete was at an auction house a few weeks prior when he came across a strange robot head. The notice with it said it was a prop from an old film but it seemed slightly alive to him. From recollection it was bought by a young, slightly geeky lad who was scribbling down notes on a Geocomtex PDA. |
| 58 | Tiberius | Tiberius asks for GSOH, M, NS, mid-20's, looking for space walks on beach, starlighted dinners etc, no more than 4 arms, must supply own ship, no time wasters or mental symbiotes. |
| 59 | kippers | kippers wants to meet an alien because they are cool. |
| 60 | Anonymous | Anonymous suggests that the site try to find the journalist James Stevens who was investigating the Doctor and UNIT in the 60s and 70s and probably knew a great deal before unfortunately disappearing sometime in 1995. |
| 61 | Victor (remember me from last week) | Victor wants to meet an alien because humans could learn so much from them and they could learn so much from us. |
| 62 | Matthew | Matthew urgently needs to meet an alien to find out what the government is hiding, to expose the government for hiding secrets, saying not to believe the government and that aliens exist. |
| 63 | Chris | Chris would like to find out where aliens buy their towels. |
| 64 | Steven | Steven wants to meet an alien so he can kill it, believing that all other alien races apart from the Doctor's race are a menace to the universe, citing the Slitheen attempt to destroy the planet before warning that it will happen again as it always does. |
| 65 | Mat Greenfield | Mat wants to meet an alien because he is interested in finding out if the Doctor really exists, that he could learn things about other planets and teach aliens about Earth. |
| 66 | Jamie Irvine | Jamie saw a strange thing in the sky flying past which he thought was a military plane at first before noticing that it was the wrong shape and had a strange haze around it. Then a glowing ball fell from the sky and he went over to it only to run away when it started making loud noises. He is sure it was an alien. |
| 67 | Mrs. Smith | Aged 81, Mrs. Smith would like to meet an alien so she can whizz about in his flying saucer, feeling that buzzing about in a UFO would be a boon when she collects her pension since her legs are not as young as they used to be. She would not have to queue for the bus either and if the alien had loads of eyes instead of two he could help her find her dentures as she has lost them again and is getting fed up of liquidising her meals in the blender. |
| 68 | Smeee | Smeee rhetorically asks who would want to meet an alien after last week's happenings when they tried to kill humanity and the Dummy Massacre before that as well as the Doctor leaving nothing but destruction in the past and present, believing all aliens want to do is kill and hurt humans. |
| 69 | William Lekiera | William found an alien in his house sliding out of his fridge when he came down in the middle of the night for a snack. He considers that it may have been his grandmother's meat loaf, but that we can never be too careful. |
| 70 | Ricky | Ricky wants to meet an alien so he can be friends with it and not drill big flippin holes into it. |
| 71 | Zygon | Zygon wants to meet an alien just because they do and nothing is going to stop them and they are not taking no for an answer. |
| 72 | laura rae chapman | Laura would like to see an alien because she can find out about them and why they came and what they want to do. She would also like to find out what they are feeling and to try to help them if they need it. Her best reason for why she would like to see an alien is because she thinks they are cool. |
| 73 | Colin | Colin thinks his boss is an alien. His boss is very small but speaks in a strange accent which he tries to pass off as Scottish but Colin is not too sure, believing that he is trying to take over the Earth or at least part of Yorkshire. Colin warns that he is dangerous and to believe him. |
| 74 | [email protected] | [email protected] was walking down a deserted road on a dark night when they saw a figure in the distance. As they got closer to each other they realised that this figure was not of this world as he speak to them in their head and said that the battery in his ship had died and he needed to contact him. They said that they had their mobile with them if that was any help, to which the alien said that be would be very helpful and took it from them. As he called they heard a terrible sound as their battery had died. He gave them their phone back and continued on his way. They never saw him again. |
| 75 | Tom | Tom wants to meet aliens for the same reasons that he wants to fly to distant stars and visit strange planets, to fill his need for adventure or, quite possibly, he is completely mad. |
| 76 | Adam | Adam wants to meet an alien so he can sell its body parts to the US Government in exchange for millions of dollars. |
Characters
(In order of appearance, oldest first)
|
more to be added |
Referenced only
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to be added |
Worldbuilding
- Last week's event is being covered up as a hoax.
- Mickey asks Van Statten if he knew about the "clear-up" for a fact.
- Van Statten states that people like himself and Mickey are often called collectors, afficionados, Bug-Huggers, and conspiracy wing-nuts.
- Van Statten grew up watching Star Wars.
- Van Statten owns scraps of a material nobody can identify and a curious rock around the size of a Jolly Rancher that takes the combined force of three people to lift.
- Van Statten refers to alien as "our friends".
- Mickey tells his readers that he will "catch [them] next week".
- This is a small disclaimer about the photographs on the site not necessarily being in the webmaster's copyright, although no infringement is intended.
- There is a small icon for Campaign for Real Aliens and the "website of the month" distinction from Conspiracy GOLD.
- There is an advertisement for GEOCOMTEX.
Notes
- It is unclear if Van Statten met Mickey in person or communicated over the Internet.
Continuity
- This story is both a sequel to Aliens of London/World War Three and a prequel to Dalek.
- Object Auction was set at the same time as this story.
Gallery
Henry Van Statten... with a combover.
