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{{Infobox Story
{{Infobox Story SMW
|name            = The One Doctor
|image          = The One Doctor cover.jpg
|image          = The One Doctor cover.jpg
|series          = [[Big Finish Doctor Who audio stories|Big Finish ''Doctor Who'' audio stories]]
|series          = ''[[Main Range]]''
|script          = The Audio Scripts: Volume Two
|script          = The Audio Scripts: Volume Two
|range          = Main Range
|number in range = 27
|number          = 27
|number          = 27
|doctor          = Sixth Doctor
|doctor          = Sixth Doctor
|companions      = [[Melanie Bush|Mel]]
|companions      = [[Melanie Bush|Mel]], [[Sally-Anne Stubbins|Sally-Anne]]
|enemy          = [[The Cylinder]]
|enemy          = [[The Cylinder]], [[Banto Zame]]
|setting        = [[Generios 1]], [[Generios 8]], [[Generios 14]] and [[Generios 15]] in the [[Generios System]], [[West Galaxy]], the [[far future|Vulgar End of Time]]
|setting        = [[Generios 1]], [[Generios 8]], [[Generios 14]] and [[Generios 15]], the [[far future|Vulgar End of Time]]
|writer          = [[Gareth Roberts]] and [[Clayton Hickman]]
|writer          = Gareth Roberts, Clayton Hickman
|director        = [[Gary Russell]]
|director        = [[Gary Russell]]
|producer        = [[Gary Russell]], [[Jason Haigh-Ellery]]
|music          = [[Alistair Lock]]  
|music          = [[Alistair Lock]]  
|sound          = [[Alistair Lock]]
|sound          = [[Alistair Lock]]
|cover          = [[Clayton Hickman]]
|cover          = [[Clayton Hickman]]
|publisher      = Big Finish Productions  
|publisher      = Big Finish Productions  
|release date    = [[December (releases)|December]] [[2001 (releases)|2001]]
|release date    = 17 December 2001
|format          = 4 Episodes on 2 CDs  
|format          = 2 CDs<br/>Download
|production code = [[List of production codes|7C/R]]  
|production code = [[List of production codes|7C/R]]  
|isbn            = ISBN 1-903654-56-4
|isbn            = ISBN 978-1-90365-456-9 (physical)<br/>ISBN 978-1-84435-726-0 (digital)
|prev            = Primeval (audio story)
|prev            = Primeval (audio story)
|next            = Invaders from Mars (audio story)
|next            = Invaders from Mars (audio story)
|made prev      = Dust Breeding (audio story)
|made next      = Colditz (audio story)
|soundcloudclip  = https://soundcloud.com/big-finish/a-christmas-message-from-the
|soundcloudclip  = https://soundcloud.com/big-finish/a-christmas-message-from-the
}}{{Audio stub}}
|epcount        = 4
'''''{{StoryTitle}}''''' was the twenty-seventh [[Big Finish Doctor Who audio stories|monthly ''Doctor Who'' audio story]] produced by [[Big Finish Productions]]. It featured [[Colin Baker]] as the [[Sixth Doctor]] and [[Bonnie Langford]] as [[Melanie Bush]]. This audio was released in [[December (releases)|December]] [[2001 (releases)|2001]] and was considered Big Finish's "Christmas release". It has a notably comic slant to the story. It is the first of two Christmas releases in the main range, the second being [[AUDIO]]: ''[[Bang-Bang-a-Boom! (audio story)|Bang-Bang-a-Boom!]]''. Both stories feature Mel.
}}{{audio stub}}
{{spotify|album=11yJyfrsqTGxlxE5F7CZWp|height=350}}
'''''{{StoryTitle}}''''' was the twenty-seventh story in [[Big Finish Productions|Big Finish]]'s [[Main Range|monthly range]]. It was written by [[Gareth Roberts]] and [[Clayton Hickman]] and featured [[Colin Baker]] as the [[Sixth Doctor]] and [[Bonnie Langford]] as [[Melanie Bush]].
 
This audio was released in [[December (releases)|December]] [[2001 (releases)|2001]] and was considered Big Finish's "Christmas release". It has a notably comic slant to the story. It is the first of two early Christmas releases in the Main Range, the second being [[AUDIO]]: ''[[Bang-Bang-a-Boom! (audio story)|Bang-Bang-a-Boom!]]''. Both stories feature Mel.
 
This story was also notable for [[Matt Lucas]]'s ''Doctor Who'' debut; he later portrayed [[Twelfth Doctor]] companion [[Nardole]].


== Publisher's summary ==
== Publisher's summary ==
Line 39: Line 49:


== Plot ==
== Plot ==
=== Part 1 ===


“At last! I control everything!” the Doctor gloats…over the Monopoly board. Mel is not fond of the melodrama, especially when the Doctor is winning.  It’s just as well; he finds the villainous mindset boring.  They are interrupted when the TARDIS drifts off course, following a distress signal into the far future, further than its usual range. The signal calls them to the planet of Generios One, the capital of the Generios system, much to the Doctor’s annoyance. They arrive during a celebration, and are accosted by the drunken Citizen Sokkery, who tells them that they were just saved from the alien Skelloids…by the Doctor. And yet, the Doctor doesn’t feel the presence of any future incarnation—so, who actually saved Generios?
=== Part one ===
The Doctor and Mel are playing [[Monopoly (game)|monopoly]]. The TARDIS is off course due to the Doctor accidentally turning on the wide range distress transceiver, and the TARDIS therefore picking up and following a distress signal. They materialise to a party on [[Generios 1]], the central planet of the Generios System at the centre of an intergalactic trade empire. The Doctor complains that he's always the one having to sort out people's problems. Stepping outside, they ask citizen [[Sokkery]] why they are all celebrating; he tells them that 'The Doctor', the mysterious, legendary [[Time Lord]] who travels the universe righting wrongs with his assistant, has banished the evil [[Skelloid]]s. The Doctor is certain it wasn't his doing.
 
The '[[Banto Zame|Doctor]]' is talking to Councillor [[Potikol]], who asks him to recount how he defeated the Skelloids. As the crowds outside chant for their saviour the 'Doctor', he explains how he realised that the Skelloids' lifecycles rely on the absorption of [[hydrogen]], and so inverting the core of their [[Hydrogen stabiliser|hydrogen stabilisilers]] (with the help of his [[psychic screwdriver]], and his companion, [[Sally-Anne Stubbins|Sally-Anne]]) took care of them. The 'Doctor' and Sally-Anne say they must be off, but they want a reward- some Pluvon Power Crystals, to run their [[STARDIS]]. There are none left in the Generios Empire, so instead they ask for 100 million credits in cash to buy some. The councillor seems a little uncertain, and the 'Doctor' protests, but Sally-Anne talks him into taking the money.


They find the mysterious new Doctor at the Great Council Complex, where he is being congratulated by Councillor Potikol, although his explanation of his feat sounds wrong.  This Doctor wants to leave, but his companion, one Sally-Anne Stubbins, reminds him that their “Stardis” is not ready to go—it must be repaired, and that requires pluvon crystals.  Unfortunately, there are none in the Generios system, but Potikol offers them cash—a hundred million credits, according to Sally-Anne—to purchase some in another system; the new Doctor finally accepts it as a loan.  When Potikol leaves to get the money, the new Doctor and Sally-Anne laugh and admit they truth—the “Doctor’s” name is Banto Zame, and they are con artists who have just scammed an entire system.  Outside, the real Doctor and Mel arrive, happening across Sokkery again as well. The “Doctor” on Sokkery’s newspaper isn’t any incarnation the real Doctor recognizes.  He gets Mel to pretend to faint, causing the guards to escort them inside to recover. As soon as the guards are out of sight, they slip away to find the imposter.  Meanwhile, Potikol returns after a long wait and says there has been a problem; a piece of space junk has drifted through the system, disrupting the computer links, preventing any withdrawals. The “Doctor” and Sally-Anne fear they’ve been found out, but Potikol is sincere; he says he sent a ship to destroy it, but soon learns that the ship was destroyed.
The pair then cackle about their scam going so well- the 'Doctor' is actually [[Banto Zame]], a con artist, as is Sally-Anne. Meanwhile, the crowd is banging on their doors, and they meet Sokkery again, who shows them a newspaper with the 'Doctor' on the front. The Doctor and Mel have a plan to get in to see them. The Councillor returns to tell Sally-Anne that the great computers that control their banks is being "influenced" by a piece of space debris that has drifted into their system. Banto and Sally-Anne flirt after the Councillor leaves to get a drudge to destroy the debris. Pretending to faint gets the Doctor and Mel taken inside to recuperate, and they slip off to find the fake Doctor. The space dredger has been destroyed.


The real Doctor and Mel find the council chamber, and overhear the imposters planning to buy a planet—Abydos—with the spoils of their crimes.  He bursts in and accuses them, but Banto turns the tables on him in front of Potikol by accusing him of the same scam!  As the guards escort Mel and the Doctor out, Potikol tells the imposter that the “flotsam” is now headed for Generios One. The “Doctor” must save them again!  Meanwhile, the real Doctor and Mel are put in an admittedly comfortable cell. The Doctor fumes over Banto’s cannibalizing of his legacy and reputation. He begins to try to get them out, but they are interrupted by a sonic wave that can be heard all over the planet.  It is caused by a great UFO, descending toward the council complex. And the Doctor falls victim to the sound wave…
The real Doctor and Mel find Banto and Sally-Anne, but the con artists accuse them of being other con-artists, running a similar con (pretending to be the Doctor, faking an alien invasion, 'stopping' the invasion, and ask for compensation). The Doctor orders them to stop, but then the Councillor bursts in, and Banto tells him that the real Doctor and Mel are overzealous fans. They are dragged away while the Doctor rants and raves. The Councillor tells Banto and Sally-Anne about the space debris that is still intact, and is heading straight for them. They need the Doctor's help.


=== Part 2 ===
The Doctor and Mel are locked in a well-furbished cell until the Councillor can decide what to do with them. The Doctor says he's a laughable footnote, as much a legend as Father Christmas, this far in the future. An sonic wave blasts across the planet from the debris, and the fake Doctor says he cannot stop it. The sound is a weapon, and the Doctor and Mel try to battle it by concentrating, but it appears to be destroying their minds.
When the sound stops, the UFO—the Cylinder—speaks. It demands the three greatest treasures of Generios as tribute to its masters; if the planet refuses, it will destroy the entire Generios system.  It gives them about three hours to cooperate.  Banto agrees to gather the treasures, and Potikol has his “Stardis” brought to him so he can go to take care of it. However, Banto secretly believes the Cylinder is a fraud perpetuated by the Doctor; he is only staying around to ensure he receives the hundred million credits.


Having heard the message, the Doctor uses the food dispenser to escape the cell; his decidedly low-tech method—ramming it into the cell door—irks Mel, but it works.  He explains that the message is too high-tech and expensive for petty criminals; this threat is real.  They make their way back to the council chamber, and see the guards bringing in the “Stardis”.  Meanwhile, Potikol gives Banto a list of the treasures, unaware that Banto’s real plan is to track down and eliminate the Doctor and Mel, thinking that that will stop the threat. As Potikol leaves again, the real Doctor and Banto argue, with Banto still believing the Doctor is another fraud, and the Doctor outraged at Banto’s scam—and at the “Stardis”, which is in the shape of not a police box, but a portable toilet. They are interrupted by the Cylinder, which tells them they are losing time; when Banto argues with it, it destroys the eleventh planet of the system, and fires a beam through the chamber, past Sally-Anne’s face.  Banto realizes that the threat is real, and decides to flee with Sally-Anne.  The “Stardis” is actually a short-range teleport, leading in this case to the spaceport; the Doctor and Mel force their way in with Banto and Sally-Anne, coincidentally causing Potikol to see it disappear in a curiously TARDIS-like manner…plus flushing?  It’s smaller on the inside, and very uncomfortable for four, but the Doctor reprograms it to take them directly to the TARDIS console room.  Banto and Sally-Anne are stunned by the TARDIS, and finally are convinced that they are facing the real Doctor, not an imposter. He tries to leave, giving the list of treasures to the Doctor; but the Doctor has already taken off. He’ll need help finding the treasures, and Banto and Sally-Anne could use a lesson…
=== Part two ===
The weapon stops, and although the pair are dizzy, the Doctor and Mel seem to be alright. The voice of the person who initiated the attack looks over the planet, telling them that he has been sent to collect tribute: the [[Three Great Treasures of Generios|three greatest treasures of the Generios System]]. If they refuse, the planet will be destroyed. Clearly, the space "debris" is actually a ship, where this person is located. They have three hours. Potikol asks for the "Doctor's" help once more- he agrees, but as soon as Potikol leaves, Banto tells Sally-Anne that he thinks this ship is just the "curly haired man" (the real Doctor's) version of their Skelloid attack. In other words, it's the next stage in someone else's scam. They won't leave without their money.


The TARDIS lands on Generios Eight, inside a great echoing chamber.  The first treasure, called “Unit ZX419”, is supposed to be here.  Banto can’t recall what is significant about this world, but there is something. The Doctor leaves Banto with Mel to find the treasure, and takes Sally-Anne to the fourteenth world, as time is short. Banto sees something in the shadows…  Meanwhile, on Generios Fourteen, the Doctor and Sally-Anne search for the second treasure, called “Mentos”. They follow some music to a ruin, while Sally flirts with the Doctor; however, she can’t out-talk the Doctor. At a ruined amphitheatre, they see two figures on stage; a woman asks trivia questions, while an elderly man answers them.  It seems to be a game of some sort.  Back on Generios Eight, Mel and Banto have found that the chamber is a storage complex, full of furniture, which is all marked with alphanumeric codes.  Banto remembers the truth:  The planet was long ago occupied by a furniture company, which eventually turned over operations to its robots, the Assemblers.  The Assembleers went mad, and subsequently killed the entire population. “UNIT ZX419” is probably one of the items here…but the Assemblers are coming out to kill them…
The Doctor and Mel are throwing the food dispenser against the door to escape. They are now free, and head to the council chamber to find out more about the invader. On the way, they see the false Doctor's STARDIS, which looks like a [[portaloo]]. Potikol delivers the STARDIS and a list of the locations of the three great treasures to Banto, but warns them that not all the planets in the system will be welcoming. Then, the real Doctor and Mel burst into the council chamber. Banto dismisses the guards and Potikol leaves, and then the Doctor explains who he really is. After some argument, they're more or less able to convince the imposters of their authenticity when the spacecraft above destroys [[Generios 11]] and shoots at Banto, Sally-Anne, Mel, and the Doctor to prove it's capabilities.


=== Part 3 ===
The Doctor and Mel fight with Banto and Sally-Anne, stealing their teleporter ("STARDIS") and materialising all together next to the real TARDIS. Finally, the fraudsters fully believe Mel and the Doctor they are the real deal. They decide to go after the tribute (the three treasures), heading for [[Generios 8]] to find the first one: Unit ZX419. Upon arrival, Mel and Banto start exploring, and the Doctor goes with Sally-Anne. Mel tells Banto how she met the Doctor, and about Earth, and then they hear a noise that they go to investigate. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Sally-Anne arrive at a [[quarry]] on [[Generios 14]], the home of [[Mentos]], the second great treasure that is to be a tribute. They go to a ruin to see if Mentos is inside. A thunderstorm begins.
The Assemblers are unimpressed with the organic creatures and their alleged lies, and furious when they find that the humans have come for Unit ZX419, which the Assemblers consider their greatest achievement. However, their leader, Assembler One, relents unexpectedly and says they can have it…if they can assemble it. They place a pile of boards before the humans. Mel and Banto start assembling it—it appears to be a shelf system—but the first section disappears while they work on the next section. And, are the instructions getting longer?


The Doctor concludes the box on which the old man stands must be Mentos.  He is partly right; the man himself is Mentos’s real-world interface, and Mentos is a computer that can answer any question asked.  It does this by a system of research devices in a shadow universe, which can time-travel to obtain answers.  The questioning woman has been playing this game for 33,000 years, long after the death of the audience; and she won’t stop until Mentos misses a question. So far, it never has.  She, too, is an electronic simulacrum, and due to an unfortunate and long-dead war, the people who could shut her down are all dead. When the Doctor intervenes, she blasts him with energy.  He and Sally-Anne both sink into despair, but soon he comes up with a plan. Meanwhile, Mel and Banto realize that the parts of the unit exist in multiple dimensions, explaining its constant vanishing and reappearing, and the oddities with the instructions.  Giving up for a bit, they swap stories, with Mel telling an inspiring story from her childhood Christmases; Banto is inspired by it and decides to try to delay the Assemblers, while Mel reluctantly admits that the story didn’t work out as well as it seems.
Mel and Banto arrive in a storage bay, finding that each item inside is a piece of furniture, labeled as "Unit", and then a short string of numbers and letters. Banto remembers something he read: that the furniture company who made these was killed by their own robots after they went berserk, meaning that this dead planet may still have berserk robots on. The Doctor and Sally-Anne reach the ruin, catching sight of two people who look like they're playing a game. Mel and Banto reach storage space ZX, but are confronted by murderous robots.


The Doctor gets the Questioner to let him ask a few questions, and she allows him two. Mentos forestalls him by announcing that he cannot be stumped by logical conundrums like a lesser computer, and the Doctor fishes for replacement questions.  He asks about the wallpaper at 35 Jefferson Road in Woking in 1975, but Mentos finds that question simple. The Doctor then asks about his own three wishes on his 900th birthday; somehow, Mentos gets that one as well (galactic peace, better control of the TARDIS, and manageable hair).  Mentos reveals that the Doctor had revealed the information to a cellmate during a subsequent adventure, and that the cellmate was also a projection of Mentos.  It seems the computer really is everywhere. However, the Questioner allows Sally-Anne two questions as well. She asks what she told Banto on the night he asked her to marry him; however, Banto has a big mouth, and told many people that Sally admitted she had had breast-enhancement surgery. Ranting, Sally-Anne retorts “What doesn’t Mentos know?”  The Doctor seizes on this and insists it is actually her second question.  It is the only question he can’t answer, and with the end of the game, he shuts down.  He disconnects the box and returns to the TARDIS.
=== Part three ===
Banto panics as Mel reasons with the robots, explaining the situation. However, the robots seem devout to Unit ZX419, telling the humans that it is their greatest achievement. Nevertheless, they let the pair take Unit ZX419, but the robots laugh as if the unit will cause them trouble. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Sally-Anne listen to more of the quiz game happening in the ruins. It appears that the quizzers are standing on top of the computer, Mentos. The quiz show has been running for 33,000 years, and the quizzer is a projection- Mentos' interface.


With two minutes before the Assemblers’ deadline, Mel finds a cheat:  since the shelves can’t be assembled, the Assemblers can’t know what it is supposed to look like when completed. The instructions never end; therefore they won’t have a final picture.  Therefore, when the Assemblers return, they simply claim the project is complete.  The Assemblers realize to their chagrin that they can’t prove Mel wrong. The TARDIS rematerializes then, and while the Assemblers go over the instructions,  Mel and Banto get the shelves into the TARDIS, and dematerialize.  The Assemblers realize that they’ve been beaten by organics; they conclude that this is impossible, and therefore never happened.  Therefore they erase the event from memory, and get back to making furniture.
Banto and Mel are presented with Unit ZX419: a box of wooden boards. They must put the boards- shelves- up before taking them, and are given 30 decons to construct the shelves. If they succeed, they can take the shelves, but if they fail, they will be "deconstructed" (killed). Locked into the storage space, the pair begin constructing the shelves by following complicated instructions that seem to be getting longer.


Only 25 minutes remain on the Cylinder’s deadline. Despite ongoing arguing in the TARDIS, the Doctor gets them to the fifteenth planet. The treasure is a large diamond, just lying on the ground—can it be that simple?  The Doctor tries to pick it up, but it won’t budge—and a giant amoeba swallows him.
Meanwhile, the interface explains how Mentos exists in a shadow universe, gathering information on the main universe. Unless the Doctor can get a special code, the programmed [[Questioner (The One Doctor)|Questioner]] will continue asking the [[Mentos|interface]] questions forever. Sally-Anne tells the Doctor about her childhood, and then the Doctor realises that if he can put a question to Mentos that he can't answer, then the quiz will end, and Mentos will allow itself to be taken by the Doctor.


=== Part 4 ===
Mel and Banto realise that the shelf instructions repeat, with parts of the shelves appearing and disappearing in their reality. This means the shelves are can never be put up. Mel gives a rousing speech about a Christmas show from her childhood that her parents put on every year. Banto responds that where he comes from, people never believe in anything, and it was inspiring to see Mel believe so strongly in never giving up.
The Doctor isn’t dead.  He manages to punch one of the creature’s organs, causing it to spit him out—hurting its…feelings?  He realizes it can speak, and is actually quite intelligent. It’s a Jelloid, an incredibly long-lived creature; it has a contract to guard the diamond for fifty million years, of which it has completed thirty million. Unfortunately it’s quite lonely, even to the point of writing a song about its loneliness. It’s a pleasant creature, and having heard of the Cylinder’s ultimatum, it agrees to give the Doctor the diamond.  However, it will need to go switch off the forcefield over the diamond—and it can’t leave its spot.  After all, it’s waiting for a delivery of an entertainment center, and everyone knows that deliverymen show up as soon as you’re not ready… Sally-Anne offers to watch for the delivery while the Jelloid goes to shut off the forcefield, and it reluctantly agrees. Back on Generios One, Potikol is panicking; the Doctor only has fifteen minutes to return…


The Doctor and Mel go to the TARDIS for the Doctor to change into a clean coat, and Mel stays to set the ship for a quick departure. All four travellers are bothered by the buzzing of an insect.  While they are inside, Banto and Sally-Anne argue, and Banto reveals that while he’s been courting Sally-Anne, he’s already been married. When the Doctor comes back, Sally-Anne runs into his arms.
The Doctor poses his question: "what colour was the wallpaper in the back bedroom of no. 35 Jefferson Road, Woking, in June 1975?" The computer responds correctly. The Doctor is allowed only one more question, so he asks "What were my three wishes as I blew out the candles on my nine-hundredth birthday cake?". Mentos responds "Peace throughout the galaxy, Better control of the TARDIS, and more manageable hair". These are correct.


The forcefield goes down, and Banto takes the diamond to the TARDIS while the Doctor stays to thank the Jelloid. However, the creature finds a plaque on the ground, saying that the deliveryman came and left…and the Doctor realizes the buzzing was no insect, but a fast-moving Vecton, moving too fast to see.  Suddenly Banto—having watched the Doctor—manages to dematerialize the TARDIS, leaving the Doctor and Sally-Anne to face an angry Jelloid.  Miffed at the thought of twenty million more years without even an entertainment center, it COULD teleport them back to Generios One, but why?  They are its first company in millennia.  The Doctor promises that if it sends them on their way, he will use his TARDIS and bring an entertainment center himself—within five minutes of  his departure. The Jelloid agrees, and it sends them back to Generios One.
Sally-Anne then gives her 2 questions. "What did I tell Banto on the night he asked me to marry him just after we'd downed that third bottle of red?". Mentos answered correctly: she responded that she'd had mammory enhancement surgery. The second question is "What does Mentos not know?". Mentos overloads- they can take Mentos now. Mel realises that the robots have never seen the "Shelves of Infinity" put up, so won't know if they have completed the task. They tell the robots that they assembled the shelves, and then the TARDIS arrives, so the pair escape with the shelves in the TARDIS. The robots elect to erase the incident from their memories.


Mel furiously orders Banto to go back for the Doctor, but he knocks her off balance by asking her to marry him (causing her to lie and claim to be an android, but he doesn’t buy it). Thus the TARDIS arrives back at the council chamber just as the deadline expires.  Its appearance surprises Potikol, but he accepts that Banto is the Doctor.  The real Doctor and Sally-Anne arrive at the same time, and the four present the treasures to the Cylinder. The Cylinder accepts the tribute, and asks the Doctor to step forward to be rewarded; Banto claims the title, and the Doctor allows it.  The Doctor insists, against Mel and Sally-Anne’s objections, that he is in fact Banto, and Banto is the one true Doctor; he kisses Sally-Anne as evidence, which convinces the Cylinder.  It traps Banto—the real Banto—in a tractor beam, and admits that its real purpose was to capture the Doctor all along; the quest was just a means of identifying the Doctor.  It will now place the “Doctor” in a time bubble and take him to its homeworld, Chalzon, to face its masters, the Sussyurats, and answer for his crimes.  The Cylinder apologizes to the Generians and departs with Banto.
There are only 25 minutes left in the countdown. The final treasure is on [[Generios 15]], a planet composed almost entirely of superheated gas. Banto and the Doctor insult each other almost until they arrive, where they find a massive [[diamond]]. The Doctor attempts to pick up the diamond, but "a horrible big jelly" attacks him, seeming to swallow him up.


Potikol still believes that Banto was the Doctor, and tells the people that the Doctor gave up his freedom for the sake of Generios. The Doctor explains to Mel and Sally-Anne that he had figured out the truth, and let Banto be caught in his own web. Sally-Anne—saddened that the kiss wasn’t real—is called out to let the crows show its gratitude to her in the absence of the “Doctor”; after all, as the Doctor points out, for a short while she really was his companion, and handled it well. She accepts the crowd’s praise…and the hundred million credits, of course. As the Doctor and Mel prepare to leave, he says that he’s never met the Sussyurats before, but will be sure to annoy them when he does—but first they have an entertainment center to deliver, and a game to finish…and oh yes, Banto to rescue—eventually. After all, there’s only room for the one Doctor in this universe.
=== Part four ===
The Doctor finds himself inside the jelly, but makes it vomit him out. The jelly speaks- it's a [[Jelloid (The One Doctor)|Jelloid]], the guardian of the Jewel, placed there to guard it 30 million years ago. The Doctor explains why he needs the jewel, and the Jelloid lets them take it, but it's held down by a force field. The Jelloid is waiting for an entertainment system to be delivered, so the humans (and Doctor) agree to wait while the Jelloid goes to switch the forcefield off. Meanwhile, the Cylinder lowers itself towards Generios 1, announcing there are less than 15 minutes remaining. Sally-Anne and Banto argue and Banto reveals that he's already married.
 
The force shield is lowered, but they've missed the delivery, angering the Jelloid. Banto makes off with the diamond in the TARDIS. Mel was also inside. Banto professes his love to her, asking for her hand in marriage. The Doctor promises that as soon as the business with the Cylinder is sorted, he'll go and bring the Jelloid his entertainment system. The Jelloid tracks the TARDIS's trail, and they are able to teleport away. Meanwhile, the countdown is over. The TARDIS arrives as Mel rejects Banto's advances.
 
Potikol, Mel, and Banto present the treasures to the cylinder in a trolley; the Shelves of Infinity, Mentos, and- The Doctor arrives to present the diamond. The Cylinder deems the tribute satisfactory, and says he must reward the one who collected the treasures. Banto presents himself as the Doctor- the one who collected the treasures. Sally-Anne protests, introducing the real Doctor, but he says Sally-Anne is mad and he is Banto. He then kisses Sally-Anne, declaring that a "Time Lord would never do this" as proof that he isn't the Doctor.
 
The cylinder places Banto in a beam, paralysing him, declaring that the Doctor is wanted by his masters (the Sussyurats) for trial. The cylinder set trials it knew only the Doctor could complete. As the Doctor worked out, the cylinder was after him all this time. It leaves with Banto. Sally-Anne and Mel compare Banto's proposals to them- they were exactly the same. The Doctor tells Sally-Anne that the kiss was part of the bluff, but she is quickly cheered up by the thanks of the people of Generios 1, and the presents and money Potikol gives her. Mel and the Doctor leave, as the Doctor tells Mel he has no idea why the Sussyurats wanted him- he hasn't met them yet. They go off to do the favour for the Jelloid, and say they will rescue Banto... Eventually.
 
Much later, the Doctor thanks Mel for her Christmas nut roast, admits he's close in age to "the big 930". The Doctor made it snow in the TARDIS control room, and the pair have some sherry and try to watch the queen's speech on the time space visualiser. However, they accidentally end up watching Queen Elizabeth the first make a speech. Wishing each other a happy Christmas, the Doctor then wishes the same for "all of you back home". Meanwhile, the Questioner is asking Mentos more questions, with the pair joking about how dull all this is, and about [[The Weakest Link (series)|The Weakest Link]], and Mentos finally wishing a happy Christmas to "all of you back home".


== Cast ==
== Cast ==
* [[Sixth Doctor|The Doctor]] - [[Colin Baker]]
* [[Sixth Doctor|The Doctor]] - [[Colin Baker]]
* [[Melanie Bush]] - [[Bonnie Langford]]
* [[Melanie Bush]] - [[Bonnie Langford]]
* Citizen [[Sokkery]] - [[Nicholas Pegg]]
* Councillor [[Potikol]] - [[Stephen Fewell]]
* [[Banto Zame]] - [[Christopher Biggins]]
* [[Banto Zame]] - [[Christopher Biggins]]
* [[Sally-Anne Stubbins]] - [[Clare Buckfield]]
* [[Sally-Anne Stubbins]] - [[Clare Buckfield]]
* Guard - [[Mark Wright]]
* [[The Cylinder|Cylinder]] / [[Jelloid (The One Doctor)|The Jelloid]] - [[Matt Lucas]]
* Questioner - [[Jane Goddard]]
* Councillor [[Potikol]] / [[Assembler]] 2 - [[Stephen Fewell]]
* [[The Cylinder]] - [[Matt Lucas]]
* Citizen [[Sokkery]] / [[Mentos]] - [[Nicholas Pegg]]
* [[Mentos]] - [[Nicholas Pegg]]
* [[Questioner (The One Doctor)|The Questioner]] / Queen [[Elizabeth I|Elizabeth]] - [[Jane Goddard]]
* [[Assembler]] 1 - [[Adam Buxton]]
* [[Assembler]] 1 - [[Adam Buxton]]
* Assembler 2 - [[Stephen Fewell]]
* Guards - [[Mark Wright]] & [[Alistair Lock]]
* [[Jelloid (The One Doctor)|Jelloid]] - [[Matt Lucas]]


== References ==
== Crew ==


* Cover Art - [[Clayton Hickman]]
* Director - [[Gary Russell]]
* Executive Producer - [[Jacqueline Rayner]]
* Music & Sound Design - [[Alistair Lock]]
* Producers - [[Gary Russell]] and [[Jason Haigh-Ellery]]
* Writers - [[Gareth Roberts]] and [[Clayton Hickman]]
== Worldbuilding ==
=== The Doctor ===
=== The Doctor ===
* The Doctor claims that he has become aware of occasions when he is in the presence of another incarnation of himself, claiming that his hair stands on end.
* The Cylinder calls the Doctor [[Aliases of the Doctor|Johann Schmidt]], [[Aliases of the Doctor|Doktor von Wer]], [[Ka Faraq Gatri]], [[Aliases of the Doctor#Theta Sigma|Theta Sigma]] and Snail.
* The Cylinder calls the Doctor [[Aliases of the Doctor|Johann Schimdt]], [[Aliases of the Doctor|Doktor von Wer]], [[Ka Faraq Gatri]], [[Aliases of the Doctor#Theta Sigma|Theta Sigma]] and Snail.
* The Doctor is at least 900 years old, with his three wishes when he blew out his nine-hundredth birthday cake candles being "Peace throughout the galaxy, Better control of the TARDIS, and more manageable hair".


=== Individuals ===
=== Individuals ===
* The Questioner poses a question to Mentos about the [[Masterbakers of Barastabon]].
* The Questioner poses a question to Mentos about the [[Masterbakers of Barastabon]].
* Mentos answered that [[Gantax Nondrian]] was reported to have originated the phrase "you can take a [[Pescaton]] to [[water]] but you can't make him sing" to a question posed by the Questioner.
* [[Thinkum the Lesser]] invented the [[Sponecatcher]]
* Mel may have been a [[Girl Guide|girl guide]], and refers to [[1989]] as "her time".
* Barry Noble was voted by the people of the Sol Constellation to be the best actor of the second millenium.


=== Locations ===
=== Locations ===
* In [[June]] [[1975]], the Doctor based himself in 35 Jefferson Road, [[Woking]] during an [[alien invasion|invasion]] by [[Cyberman (Mondas)|Cybermen]]. (This may have taken place during a specific late [[20th century]] invasion of theirs. [[TV]]: ''[[The Invasion]]'') The back [[]bedroom]] had [[purple]] wall paper.
* In [[June]] [[1975]], the Doctor based himself in [[35 Jefferson Road]], [[Woking (town)|Woking]] during an [[invasion]] by [[Cyberman (Mondas)|Cybermen]].
* Mel as a girl lived in a large house in [[Pease Pottage]], about seven [[mile]]s from town.
* Mel as a girl lived in a large house in [[Pease Pottage]], about seven [[mile]]s from town.
* [[Generios 1]] is the centre of an intergalactic trade empire spanning 17 planets, and is located in the [[Generios system|Generios System]], in the [[Generios constellation|Constellation of Generios]].
* Banto is from [[Osfocus]], a "superdense mudball" that was terraformed 5000 years before the events in Generios so it is now habitable.
* Mel met the Doctor while working as a computer programmer in [[Brighton]], which is in [[Sussex]], on [[Earth]].


=== Species ===
=== Species ===
* The [[Spraxis Jelloids|Spraxis]] [[Jelloid]]s are large, single-celled organisms who can live in excess of fifty million years.  
* The [[Spraxis Jelloid]]s are large, single-celled organisms who can live in excess of fifty million years.
* The [[Sinister Sponges]] worship the [[Loofah of Life]].
* The [[Sinister Sponges]] worship the [[Loofah of Life]].
* A [[Spaag]] from [[Vishtek 3]] ate Sally-Anne's Aunty Sue.
* A [[Spaag]] from [[Vishtek 3]] ate Sally-Anne's Aunty Sue.
* The [[Quark]]s are mentioned by Banto.
* The [[Quark]]s are mentioned by Banto.
* The young of the [[Pomtemrays]] are called the [[Letvilles]].


=== Planets ===
=== Planets ===
* [[Banto Zane]] is from the planet [[Osphogus]], which was terraformed five thousand years before the time of the story.
* [[Banto Zame]] is from the planet [[Osphogus]], which was terraformed five thousand years before the time of the story.
* The Jelloid is expecting a [[home entertainment system]] from the planet [[Bendalos]]. The depot for said entertainment system is on [[Sirrinus Traxia]].
* The Jelloid is expecting a [[home entertainment system]] from the planet [[Bendalos]]. The depot for said entertainment system is on [[Sirrinus Traxia]].
* [[Abydos]] is located in the [[Rim Worlds]]; nothing much is out there.
* [[Abydos]] is located in the [[Rim Worlds]]; nothing much is out there. Banto wanted to buy it.
[[File:Dwm312_theonedoctor.jpg|thumb|Illustration by [[Lee Sullivan]] from DWM 312.]]


=== Objects ===
=== Objects ===
* The [[Stardis]], Banto and Sally-Anne's mock TARDIS, is shaped like a portaloo.
* The [[STARDIS]], Banto and Sally-Anne's mock TARDIS, is shaped like a portaloo.
* Banto uses a [[psychic screwdriver]], equivalent to the Doctor's [[sonic screwdriver]], to seemingly defeat the Skelloids.
* Banto uses a [[psychic screwdriver]], equivalent to [[the Doctor's sonic screwdriver]], to seemingly defeat the Skelloids.
* The Cylinder projects its transmission over Generios 1 with a [[Multi-Phase Corpolectic Sound Wave]].
* The Cylinder projects its transmission over Generios 1 with a [[Multi-Phase Corpolectic Sound Wave]].
* At the start of this adventure the Doctor is indulging in his megalomaniacal side by playing [[Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]].
* At the start of this adventure the Doctor is indulging in his megalomaniacal side by playing [[Monopoly (game)|Monopoly]].


==== Three Great Treasures of Generios ====
==== Three Great Treasures of Generios ====
* UNIT ZX419, also known as the [[Three Great Treasures of Generios|Shelves of Infinity]], are infinite and therefore impossible to put up.
* UNIT ZX419, also known as the [[Three Great Treasures of Generios|Shelves of Infinity]], are infinite and therefore impossible to put up. They took the robots nearly 50 million decons to produce.
* [[Mentos]]; or rather the control box to Mentos.
 
* The largest [[diamond]] in existence.
==== Units of Measurement of Time ====
* 5 Maleks is equivalent to 15 and a half Gluabs long, which is about three hours.
* The robots of Generios 14 say that 50 million decons is equivalent to "60 of your-", but are interrupted before they can finish the comparison.
* 30 Decons is half of "one pitiful human hour"
 
=== Media ===
* The quiz show ''The Feeblest Contestant'' has been going on for 33,000 years.
 
== Gallery ==
<gallery position="center" captionalign="center" hideaddbutton="true" widths="250">
The One Doctor cover.jpg|Original CD cover
Dwm312_theonedoctor.jpg|Illustration by [[Lee Sullivan]] from DWM 312
The One Doctor DWM Preview Clean.jpg|Textless version of the DWM preview art
DWM 314 THE ONE DOCTOR.JPG|Art by [[Roger Langridge]] from DWM 314
</gallery>


== Notes ==
== Notes ==
[[File:DWM 314 THE ONE DOCTOR.JPG|thumb|Art by [[Roger Langridge]] from DWM 314]]
* This is the first of Big Finish Productions' "Christmas releases" stories. They are a bit more light-hearted than other releases. The following year's Christmas release was ''[[Bang-Bang-a-Boom! (audio story)|Bang-Bang-a-Boom!]]'', a story again parodying popular media-culture. In years following ''Bang-Bang-a-Boom!''{{'}}s release, Big Finish offered [[Big Finish Doctor Who audio stories#Subscriber-Only|subscriber only]] special releases, although those tended to cover all genres rather than the lighter-toned style that this story and ''Bang-Bang-a-Boom!'' use.
* This is the first of Big Finish Productions' "Christmas releases" stories. They are a bit more light-hearted than other releases. The following year's Christmas release was ''[[Bang-Bang-a-Boom!]]'', a story again parodying popular media-culture. In years following ''Bang-Bang-a-Boom!''{{'}}s release, Big Finish offered [[Big Finish Doctor Who audio stories#Subscriber-Only|subscriber only]] special releases, although those tended to cover all genres rather than the lighter-toned style that this story and ''Bang-Bang-a-Boom'' use.
* The title of this story is a reference towards the tendencies for Multi-Doctor stories to feature the number of Doctors in the story within the title (including such stories as ''[[The Three Doctors (TV story)|The Three Doctors]]'', ''[[The Five Doctors (TV story)|The Five Doctors]]'', ''[[The Two Doctors (TV story)|The Two Doctors]]'', ''[[The Eight Doctors (novel)|The Eight Doctors]]'', ''[[The Four Doctors (audio story)|The Four Doctors]]'', ''[[Four Doctors (comic story)|Four Doctors]]''). In this case, the title jokingly hints that the extra Doctor included within the story will be revealed to be a fake, meaning that the [[Sixth Doctor]] is the one Doctor within the story.
* The third episode features the alternative Delaware version of the ''Doctor Who'' theme tune, a nod to the overseas print of [[TV]]: ''[[Carnival of Monsters]]''.
* The third episode features the alternative Delaware version of the ''Doctor Who'' theme tune, a nod to the overseas print of ''[[Carnival of Monsters (TV story)|Carnival of Monsters]]''.
* This audio drama was recorded on [[28 April (production)|28]] and [[29 April (production)|29 April]] 2001.
* This audio drama was recorded on [[28 April (production)|28]] and [[29 April (production)|29 April]] [[2001 (production)|2001]] at [[The Moat Studios]].
* The second CD contains a bonus track containing two scenes. In the first of these, the Doctor and Mel attempt to use the [[Time-Space Visualiser]] to watch [[Queen's Christmas speech|The Queen's Speech]], but accidentally tune in to [[Elizabeth I]]. In the second, the Questioner asks Mentos a number of questions from throughout time and space. Both scenes end with the characters wishing Merry Christmas "to all of you at home". ([[TV]]: ''[[The Daleks' Master Plan]]'') The bonus track was posted on Big Finish's official Soundcloud in December 2012.[https://soundcloud.com/big-finish/a-christmas-message-from-the]
* The second CD contains a bonus track containing two scenes. In the first of these, the Doctor and Mel attempt to use the [[Time-Space Visualiser]] to watch [[Queen's Christmas speech|The Queen's Speech]], but accidentally tune in to [[Elizabeth I]]. In the second, the Questioner asks Mentos a number of questions from throughout time and space. Both scenes end with the characters wishing Merry Christmas "to all of you at home". ([[TV]]: ''[[The Daleks' Master Plan (TV story)|The Daleks' Master Plan]]'') The bonus track was posted on Big Finish's official Soundcloud in December 2012, and included the Doctor breaking the fourth wall. [https://soundcloud.com/big-finish/a-christmas-message-from-the]
* [[Jim Mortimore]] and [[Jane Elphinstone]]'s score to this story, alongside the score to ''[[Bloodtide (audio story)|Bloodtide]] ''and ''[[Project Twilight (audio story)|Project: Twilight]], ''was released on the CD ''[[Music from the Sixth Doctor Audio Adventures (soundtrack)|Music from the Sixth Doctor Audio Adventures]].''
* [[Jim Mortimore]] and [[Jane Elphinstone]]'s score to this story, alongside the score to ''[[Bloodtide (audio story)|Bloodtide]] ''and ''[[Project Twilight (audio story)|Project: Twilight]], ''was released on the CD ''[[Music from the Sixth Doctor Audio Adventures (soundtrack)|Music from the Sixth Doctor Audio Adventures]]''.
* This story is set between ''[[Season 23 (Doctor Who 1963)|The Trial of a Time Lord]]'' and ''[[Time and the Rani (TV story)|Time and the Rani]]''.
* This story was originally released on CD. It is now available as a download only.


== Continuity ==
== Continuity ==
* Mentos asks the Doctor if he's going to use one of those "fox the computer conundrums...the last thing I said was false and all that". This alludes to a popular means of defeating misguided or evil [[computer]]s in ''[[Star Trek]]'' but also references [[TV]]: ''[[The Green Death]]''. The [[Eighth Doctor]] would experience a similar failure in using such questions on the Brain in [[PROSE]]: ''[[The Space Age (novel)|The Space Age]]'', but simply muses that at least it shows people are building the computers properly.
* Mentos asks the Doctor if he's going to use one of those "fox the computer conundrums...the last thing I said was false and all that". This alludes to a popular means of defeating misguided or evil [[computer]]s in ''[[Star Trek]]'' but also references [[TV]]: ''[[The Green Death (TV story)|The Green Death]]''. The [[Eighth Doctor]] would experience a similar failure in using such questions on the Brain in [[PROSE]]: ''[[The Space Age (novel)|The Space Age]]'', but simply muses that at least it shows people are building the computers properly. [[TV]]: ''[[The Dæmons (TV story)|The Dæmons]]'' also features a [[Dæmon]] being destroyed in a similar manner, although they are not machine beings.
* The names that the Cylinder calls the Doctor hail from specific stories: [[Johann Schmidt]] ([[AUDIO]]: ''[[Colditz (audio story)|Colditz]]'', ''[[Klein's Story]]'', ''[[Storm Warning (audio story)|Storm Warning]]''; [[PROSE]]: ''[[Timewyrm: Exodus]]'', ''[[The Shadow in the Glass]]''), Doktor von Wer ([[TV]]: ''[[The Highlanders (TV story)|The Highlanders]]''), Ka Faraq Gatri ([[PROSE]]: ''[[Remembrance of the Daleks (novelisation)|Remembrance of the Daleks]]'', [[PROSE]]: ''[[Timewyrm: Revelation]]'') Theta Sigma ([[TV]]: ''[[The Armageddon Factor]]'', [[TV]]: ''[[The Happiness Patrol]]'') and Snail ([[PROSE]]: ''[[Lungbarrow]]'').
* The names that the Cylinder calls the Doctor hail from specific stories: [[Johann Schmidt]] ([[AUDIO]]: ''[[Colditz (audio story)|Colditz]]'', ''[[Klein's Story (audio story)|Klein's Story]]'', ''[[Storm Warning (audio story)|Storm Warning]]''; [[PROSE]]: ''[[Timewyrm: Exodus (novel)|Timewyrm: Exodus]]'', ''[[The Shadow in the Glass (novel)|The Shadow in the Glass]]''), Doktor von Wer, ([[TV]]: ''[[The Highlanders (TV story)|The Highlanders]]'') Ka Faraq Gatri ([[PROSE]]: ''[[Remembrance of the Daleks (novelisation)|Remembrance of the Daleks]]'', [[PROSE]]: ''[[Timewyrm: Revelation (novel)|Timewyrm: Revelation]]'') Theta Sigma ([[TV]]: ''[[The Armageddon Factor (TV story)|The Armageddon Factor]]'', [[TV]]: ''[[The Happiness Patrol (TV story)|The Happiness Patrol]]'') and Snail. ([[PROSE]]: ''[[Lungbarrow (novel)|Lungbarrow]]'')
* The Doctor claims that he has very good eyesight in the dark due to drinking so much [[carrot juice]]. (Mel would have forced him to drin it.) ([[TV]]: ''[[Terror of the Vervoids]]'', ''[[The Ultimate Foe]]'')
* The Doctor claims that he has very good eyesight in the dark due to drinking so much [[carrot juice]]. (Mel would have forced him to drink it.) ([[TV]]: ''[[Terror of the Vervoids (TV story)|Terror of the Vervoids]]'', ''[[The Ultimate Foe (TV story)|The Ultimate Foe]]'')
* Mel mentions the fact that she has "the memory of an [[elephant]]" is a running gag between herself and the Doctor. ([[TV]]: ''[[Terror of the Vervoids]]'', ''[[Time and the Rani]]'')
* Mel mentions the fact that she has "the memory of an [[elephant]]" is a running gag between herself and the Doctor. ([[TV]]: ''[[Terror of the Vervoids (TV story)|Terror of the Vervoids]]'', ''[[Time and the Rani (TV story)|Time and the Rani]]'')
* The Sixth Doctor's comment that his hair stands on end in the presence of another self is later mentioned in [[AUDIO]]: ''[[The Light at the End (audio story)|The Light at the End]]'', when he arrives in a pocket dimension at the same time as the [[Seventh Doctor]].
* The Sixth Doctor's comment that his hair stands on end in the presence of another self is later mentioned in [[AUDIO]]: ''[[The Light at the End (audio story)|The Light at the End]]'', when he arrives in a pocket dimension at the same time as the [[Seventh Doctor]].


== External links ==
== External links ==
* {{bigfinish|releases/v/the-one-doctor-651|The One Doctor}}
{{bigfinish|releases/v/the-one-doctor-651|The One Doctor}}
{{dwrefguide|who_bf27.htm|The One Doctor}}
{{dwrefguide|who_bf27.htm|The One Doctor}}
* {{tetrap|6/onedoc.html|The One Doctor}}
{{tetrap|6/onedoc.html|The One Doctor}}
{{BFA monthly}}
{{BFA monthly}}


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[[Category:Sixth Doctor audio stories]]
[[Category:Doctor Who monthly audio stories]]
[[Category:2001 audio stories]]
[[Category:Stories set in the far future]]
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[[Category:Audio stories that use Delia Derbyshire's 2nd theme]]
[[Category:Stories that use the Delaware theme]]
[[Category:Stories that use the Delaware theme]]
[[Category:Audio stories that use Delia Derbyshire's 2nd theme]]
[[Category:Sixth Doctor Main Range audio stories]]
[[Category:2001 Main Range audio stories]]

Latest revision as of 23:12, 17 November 2024

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The One Doctor was the twenty-seventh story in Big Finish's monthly range. It was written by Gareth Roberts and Clayton Hickman and featured Colin Baker as the Sixth Doctor and Bonnie Langford as Melanie Bush.

This audio was released in December 2001 and was considered Big Finish's "Christmas release". It has a notably comic slant to the story. It is the first of two early Christmas releases in the Main Range, the second being AUDIO: Bang-Bang-a-Boom!. Both stories feature Mel.

This story was also notable for Matt Lucas's Doctor Who debut; he later portrayed Twelfth Doctor companion Nardole.

Publisher's summary[[edit] | [edit source]]

When the evil Skelloids launch an attack upon the seventeen worlds of the Generios system, its peace-loving inhabitants face total destruction.

So it's lucky that the Doctor, that famous traveller in time and space, is in the area, and that he, along with his pretty young assistant, Sally-Anne, manages to defeat the deadly creatures and save the day.

But now it looks as though the Doctor's luck has run out.

Who is the mysterious, curly-haired stranger, intent on causing trouble? What role does the feisty redhead Melanie play in his scheme? And what have they to do with the sinister alien cylinder approaching Generios?

One thing is certain: for the Doctor and Sally-Anne, there's deadly danger ahead...

Plot[[edit] | [edit source]]

Part one[[edit] | [edit source]]

The Doctor and Mel are playing monopoly. The TARDIS is off course due to the Doctor accidentally turning on the wide range distress transceiver, and the TARDIS therefore picking up and following a distress signal. They materialise to a party on Generios 1, the central planet of the Generios System at the centre of an intergalactic trade empire. The Doctor complains that he's always the one having to sort out people's problems. Stepping outside, they ask citizen Sokkery why they are all celebrating; he tells them that 'The Doctor', the mysterious, legendary Time Lord who travels the universe righting wrongs with his assistant, has banished the evil Skelloids. The Doctor is certain it wasn't his doing.

The 'Doctor' is talking to Councillor Potikol, who asks him to recount how he defeated the Skelloids. As the crowds outside chant for their saviour the 'Doctor', he explains how he realised that the Skelloids' lifecycles rely on the absorption of hydrogen, and so inverting the core of their hydrogen stabilisilers (with the help of his psychic screwdriver, and his companion, Sally-Anne) took care of them. The 'Doctor' and Sally-Anne say they must be off, but they want a reward- some Pluvon Power Crystals, to run their STARDIS. There are none left in the Generios Empire, so instead they ask for 100 million credits in cash to buy some. The councillor seems a little uncertain, and the 'Doctor' protests, but Sally-Anne talks him into taking the money.

The pair then cackle about their scam going so well- the 'Doctor' is actually Banto Zame, a con artist, as is Sally-Anne. Meanwhile, the crowd is banging on their doors, and they meet Sokkery again, who shows them a newspaper with the 'Doctor' on the front. The Doctor and Mel have a plan to get in to see them. The Councillor returns to tell Sally-Anne that the great computers that control their banks is being "influenced" by a piece of space debris that has drifted into their system. Banto and Sally-Anne flirt after the Councillor leaves to get a drudge to destroy the debris. Pretending to faint gets the Doctor and Mel taken inside to recuperate, and they slip off to find the fake Doctor. The space dredger has been destroyed.

The real Doctor and Mel find Banto and Sally-Anne, but the con artists accuse them of being other con-artists, running a similar con (pretending to be the Doctor, faking an alien invasion, 'stopping' the invasion, and ask for compensation). The Doctor orders them to stop, but then the Councillor bursts in, and Banto tells him that the real Doctor and Mel are overzealous fans. They are dragged away while the Doctor rants and raves. The Councillor tells Banto and Sally-Anne about the space debris that is still intact, and is heading straight for them. They need the Doctor's help.

The Doctor and Mel are locked in a well-furbished cell until the Councillor can decide what to do with them. The Doctor says he's a laughable footnote, as much a legend as Father Christmas, this far in the future. An sonic wave blasts across the planet from the debris, and the fake Doctor says he cannot stop it. The sound is a weapon, and the Doctor and Mel try to battle it by concentrating, but it appears to be destroying their minds.

Part two[[edit] | [edit source]]

The weapon stops, and although the pair are dizzy, the Doctor and Mel seem to be alright. The voice of the person who initiated the attack looks over the planet, telling them that he has been sent to collect tribute: the three greatest treasures of the Generios System. If they refuse, the planet will be destroyed. Clearly, the space "debris" is actually a ship, where this person is located. They have three hours. Potikol asks for the "Doctor's" help once more- he agrees, but as soon as Potikol leaves, Banto tells Sally-Anne that he thinks this ship is just the "curly haired man" (the real Doctor's) version of their Skelloid attack. In other words, it's the next stage in someone else's scam. They won't leave without their money.

The Doctor and Mel are throwing the food dispenser against the door to escape. They are now free, and head to the council chamber to find out more about the invader. On the way, they see the false Doctor's STARDIS, which looks like a portaloo. Potikol delivers the STARDIS and a list of the locations of the three great treasures to Banto, but warns them that not all the planets in the system will be welcoming. Then, the real Doctor and Mel burst into the council chamber. Banto dismisses the guards and Potikol leaves, and then the Doctor explains who he really is. After some argument, they're more or less able to convince the imposters of their authenticity when the spacecraft above destroys Generios 11 and shoots at Banto, Sally-Anne, Mel, and the Doctor to prove it's capabilities.

The Doctor and Mel fight with Banto and Sally-Anne, stealing their teleporter ("STARDIS") and materialising all together next to the real TARDIS. Finally, the fraudsters fully believe Mel and the Doctor they are the real deal. They decide to go after the tribute (the three treasures), heading for Generios 8 to find the first one: Unit ZX419. Upon arrival, Mel and Banto start exploring, and the Doctor goes with Sally-Anne. Mel tells Banto how she met the Doctor, and about Earth, and then they hear a noise that they go to investigate. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Sally-Anne arrive at a quarry on Generios 14, the home of Mentos, the second great treasure that is to be a tribute. They go to a ruin to see if Mentos is inside. A thunderstorm begins.

Mel and Banto arrive in a storage bay, finding that each item inside is a piece of furniture, labeled as "Unit", and then a short string of numbers and letters. Banto remembers something he read: that the furniture company who made these was killed by their own robots after they went berserk, meaning that this dead planet may still have berserk robots on. The Doctor and Sally-Anne reach the ruin, catching sight of two people who look like they're playing a game. Mel and Banto reach storage space ZX, but are confronted by murderous robots.

Part three[[edit] | [edit source]]

Banto panics as Mel reasons with the robots, explaining the situation. However, the robots seem devout to Unit ZX419, telling the humans that it is their greatest achievement. Nevertheless, they let the pair take Unit ZX419, but the robots laugh as if the unit will cause them trouble. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Sally-Anne listen to more of the quiz game happening in the ruins. It appears that the quizzers are standing on top of the computer, Mentos. The quiz show has been running for 33,000 years, and the quizzer is a projection- Mentos' interface.

Banto and Mel are presented with Unit ZX419: a box of wooden boards. They must put the boards- shelves- up before taking them, and are given 30 decons to construct the shelves. If they succeed, they can take the shelves, but if they fail, they will be "deconstructed" (killed). Locked into the storage space, the pair begin constructing the shelves by following complicated instructions that seem to be getting longer.

Meanwhile, the interface explains how Mentos exists in a shadow universe, gathering information on the main universe. Unless the Doctor can get a special code, the programmed Questioner will continue asking the interface questions forever. Sally-Anne tells the Doctor about her childhood, and then the Doctor realises that if he can put a question to Mentos that he can't answer, then the quiz will end, and Mentos will allow itself to be taken by the Doctor.

Mel and Banto realise that the shelf instructions repeat, with parts of the shelves appearing and disappearing in their reality. This means the shelves are can never be put up. Mel gives a rousing speech about a Christmas show from her childhood that her parents put on every year. Banto responds that where he comes from, people never believe in anything, and it was inspiring to see Mel believe so strongly in never giving up.

The Doctor poses his question: "what colour was the wallpaper in the back bedroom of no. 35 Jefferson Road, Woking, in June 1975?" The computer responds correctly. The Doctor is allowed only one more question, so he asks "What were my three wishes as I blew out the candles on my nine-hundredth birthday cake?". Mentos responds "Peace throughout the galaxy, Better control of the TARDIS, and more manageable hair". These are correct.

Sally-Anne then gives her 2 questions. "What did I tell Banto on the night he asked me to marry him just after we'd downed that third bottle of red?". Mentos answered correctly: she responded that she'd had mammory enhancement surgery. The second question is "What does Mentos not know?". Mentos overloads- they can take Mentos now. Mel realises that the robots have never seen the "Shelves of Infinity" put up, so won't know if they have completed the task. They tell the robots that they assembled the shelves, and then the TARDIS arrives, so the pair escape with the shelves in the TARDIS. The robots elect to erase the incident from their memories.

There are only 25 minutes left in the countdown. The final treasure is on Generios 15, a planet composed almost entirely of superheated gas. Banto and the Doctor insult each other almost until they arrive, where they find a massive diamond. The Doctor attempts to pick up the diamond, but "a horrible big jelly" attacks him, seeming to swallow him up.

Part four[[edit] | [edit source]]

The Doctor finds himself inside the jelly, but makes it vomit him out. The jelly speaks- it's a Jelloid, the guardian of the Jewel, placed there to guard it 30 million years ago. The Doctor explains why he needs the jewel, and the Jelloid lets them take it, but it's held down by a force field. The Jelloid is waiting for an entertainment system to be delivered, so the humans (and Doctor) agree to wait while the Jelloid goes to switch the forcefield off. Meanwhile, the Cylinder lowers itself towards Generios 1, announcing there are less than 15 minutes remaining. Sally-Anne and Banto argue and Banto reveals that he's already married.

The force shield is lowered, but they've missed the delivery, angering the Jelloid. Banto makes off with the diamond in the TARDIS. Mel was also inside. Banto professes his love to her, asking for her hand in marriage. The Doctor promises that as soon as the business with the Cylinder is sorted, he'll go and bring the Jelloid his entertainment system. The Jelloid tracks the TARDIS's trail, and they are able to teleport away. Meanwhile, the countdown is over. The TARDIS arrives as Mel rejects Banto's advances.

Potikol, Mel, and Banto present the treasures to the cylinder in a trolley; the Shelves of Infinity, Mentos, and- The Doctor arrives to present the diamond. The Cylinder deems the tribute satisfactory, and says he must reward the one who collected the treasures. Banto presents himself as the Doctor- the one who collected the treasures. Sally-Anne protests, introducing the real Doctor, but he says Sally-Anne is mad and he is Banto. He then kisses Sally-Anne, declaring that a "Time Lord would never do this" as proof that he isn't the Doctor.

The cylinder places Banto in a beam, paralysing him, declaring that the Doctor is wanted by his masters (the Sussyurats) for trial. The cylinder set trials it knew only the Doctor could complete. As the Doctor worked out, the cylinder was after him all this time. It leaves with Banto. Sally-Anne and Mel compare Banto's proposals to them- they were exactly the same. The Doctor tells Sally-Anne that the kiss was part of the bluff, but she is quickly cheered up by the thanks of the people of Generios 1, and the presents and money Potikol gives her. Mel and the Doctor leave, as the Doctor tells Mel he has no idea why the Sussyurats wanted him- he hasn't met them yet. They go off to do the favour for the Jelloid, and say they will rescue Banto... Eventually.

Much later, the Doctor thanks Mel for her Christmas nut roast, admits he's close in age to "the big 930". The Doctor made it snow in the TARDIS control room, and the pair have some sherry and try to watch the queen's speech on the time space visualiser. However, they accidentally end up watching Queen Elizabeth the first make a speech. Wishing each other a happy Christmas, the Doctor then wishes the same for "all of you back home". Meanwhile, the Questioner is asking Mentos more questions, with the pair joking about how dull all this is, and about The Weakest Link, and Mentos finally wishing a happy Christmas to "all of you back home".

Cast[[edit] | [edit source]]

Crew[[edit] | [edit source]]

Worldbuilding[[edit] | [edit source]]

The Doctor[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • The Cylinder calls the Doctor Johann Schmidt, Doktor von Wer, Ka Faraq Gatri, Theta Sigma and Snail.
  • The Doctor is at least 900 years old, with his three wishes when he blew out his nine-hundredth birthday cake candles being "Peace throughout the galaxy, Better control of the TARDIS, and more manageable hair".

Individuals[[edit] | [edit source]]

Locations[[edit] | [edit source]]

Species[[edit] | [edit source]]

Planets[[edit] | [edit source]]

Objects[[edit] | [edit source]]

Three Great Treasures of Generios[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • UNIT ZX419, also known as the Shelves of Infinity, are infinite and therefore impossible to put up. They took the robots nearly 50 million decons to produce.

Units of Measurement of Time[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • 5 Maleks is equivalent to 15 and a half Gluabs long, which is about three hours.
  • The robots of Generios 14 say that 50 million decons is equivalent to "60 of your-", but are interrupted before they can finish the comparison.
  • 30 Decons is half of "one pitiful human hour"

Media[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • The quiz show The Feeblest Contestant has been going on for 33,000 years.

Gallery[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • Original CD cover

    Original CD cover

  • Illustration by Lee Sullivan from DWM 312

    Illustration by Lee Sullivan from DWM 312

  • Textless version of the DWM preview art

    Textless version of the DWM preview art

  • Art by Roger Langridge from DWM 314

    Art by Roger Langridge from DWM 314

Notes[[edit] | [edit source]]

  • This is the first of Big Finish Productions' "Christmas releases" stories. They are a bit more light-hearted than other releases. The following year's Christmas release was Bang-Bang-a-Boom!, a story again parodying popular media-culture. In years following Bang-Bang-a-Boom!'s release, Big Finish offered subscriber only special releases, although those tended to cover all genres rather than the lighter-toned style that this story and Bang-Bang-a-Boom! use.
  • The title of this story is a reference towards the tendencies for Multi-Doctor stories to feature the number of Doctors in the story within the title (including such stories as The Three Doctors, The Five Doctors, The Two Doctors, The Eight Doctors, The Four Doctors, Four Doctors). In this case, the title jokingly hints that the extra Doctor included within the story will be revealed to be a fake, meaning that the Sixth Doctor is the one Doctor within the story.
  • The third episode features the alternative Delaware version of the Doctor Who theme tune, a nod to the overseas print of Carnival of Monsters.
  • This audio drama was recorded on 28 and 29 April 2001 at The Moat Studios.
  • The second CD contains a bonus track containing two scenes. In the first of these, the Doctor and Mel attempt to use the Time-Space Visualiser to watch The Queen's Speech, but accidentally tune in to Elizabeth I. In the second, the Questioner asks Mentos a number of questions from throughout time and space. Both scenes end with the characters wishing Merry Christmas "to all of you at home". (TV: The Daleks' Master Plan) The bonus track was posted on Big Finish's official Soundcloud in December 2012, and included the Doctor breaking the fourth wall. [1]
  • Jim Mortimore and Jane Elphinstone's score to this story, alongside the score to Bloodtide and Project: Twilight, was released on the CD Music from the Sixth Doctor Audio Adventures.
  • This story is set between The Trial of a Time Lord and Time and the Rani.
  • This story was originally released on CD. It is now available as a download only.

Continuity[[edit] | [edit source]]

External links[[edit] | [edit source]]

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