Celestial Omnibus

Celestial Omnibus
Main aliases:	Scarlet chariot, Enchanted Carriage, Magic Conveyance, Bianca's Cabaret
Type:	TARDIS, Timeship, Time Machine, double decker bus (AEG Routemaster RML)
Place of origin:	Gallifrey, the Obverse
Used by:	Iris Wildthyme
First mentioned in:	Teenage Kicks
First appearance:	Old Flames
Appearances:	see list

The Celestial Omnibus, also known by Iris Wildthyme's TARDIS or bus, was a Time Machine of conflicting origin. One of the only consistent things about it was its exterior appearance, which resembled a red London double decker bus, specifically the Number 22 to Putney Common.

It was sometimes identified as a TARDIS, (PROSE: Old Flames ^[+]Loading...["Old Flames (short story)"], Suitors, Inc. ^[+]Loading...["Suitors, Inc. (short story)"], etc.) a Timeship, (PROSE: Going Once, Going Twice ^[+]Loading...["Going Once, Going Twice (short story)"], AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme Speaks...! ^[+]Loading...["Iris Wildthyme Speaks...! (audio story)"]) or something else, (PROSE: Wildthyme Beyond! ^[+]Loading...["Wildthyme Beyond! (novel)"]) perhaps being one of many Celestial Omnibuses used by human settlers on Mars. (PROSE: Lost on Mars ^[+]Loading...["Lost on Mars (novel)"], etc.)

The Celestial Omnibus used the Time Vortex (PROSE: The Scarlet Empress ^[+]Loading...["The Scarlet Empress (novel)"], etc.) and The Maelstrom (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme ^[+]Loading...["Enter Wildthyme (novel)"], From Wildthyme with Love ^[+]Loading...["From Wildthyme with Love (novel)"], Elementary, My Dear Sheila) to travel through space-time. Time winds caused the windows of the Celestial Omnibus to rattle. (AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme Speaks...! ^[+]Loading...["Iris Wildthyme Speaks...! (audio story)"])

After Panda implanted the feasibility generator which had originally maintained the existence of Wonderland into the Omnibus, it gained the ability to cause impossible things to happen wherever it went. (AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme and the Land of Wonder ^[+]Loading...["Iris Wildthyme and the Land of Wonder (audio story)"])

Appearance

Exterior

The absence of a conventional entry. (PROSE: Lady Stardust)

The Celestial Omnibus took the form of a cherry red double decker bus - The 1963 AEG Routemaster RML with non-standard concertinaing doors - to be precise. There was also a flap on the side of the cab to allow Panda to climb in with ease. (PROSE: Verdigris ^[+]Loading...["Verdigris (novel)"], Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost ^[+]Loading...["Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost (short story)"])) Simon also noticed that it had concertinaed doors, and that where the entry would've been on a conventional bus, it was instead not present on the Omnibus, with a galley kitchen filling the space in the interior. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme ^[+]Loading...["Enter Wildthyme (novel)"])

The exterior featured windscreen wipers, hazard lights, (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost) and glass (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) windows. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, AUDIO: Iris Wildthyme Speaks...!)

The Omnibus also had a lockdown feature for emergencies, which would seal the bus up indefinitely. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society)

On some occasions, the bus was emblazoned with posters for The Lion King. (TV: Rose, PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Polythene Terror)

Interior

Unlike other TARDISes, it was slightly smaller on the inside than on the outside; (PROSE: The Scarlet Empress) Iris once attempted to correct this and restore the ability for the Omnibus to be bigger on the inside. (PROSE: Just the Ticket) Indeed, when Iris was performing "community service" for the Superiors, Chris Cwej mentally noted that it was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. (PROSE: Flickering Flame ^[+]Loading...{"page":"88","1":"Flickering Flame (short story)"})

According to one account, the bus was not actually smaller than other TARDISes, but instead most of its interior dimensions were used to store water. (PROSE: Verdigris) However, by some accounts, the bus actually got its water from a space-time link to a Canadian lake in 1924. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, The Scarlet Empress)

The inside looked like a modified double-decker bus, though with a few hints of its true nature. (PROSE: Old Flames) The controls were on the dashboard, which resembled those of the Doctor's TARDIS during his eighth incarnation, (PROSE: The Scarlet Empress) as they were a mixture of brass and wooden fittings, a radio, with an ancient black and white television set hanging from the ceiling. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

According to some accounts, the controls had more of a similarity to a conventional bus, instead of a TARDIS console, including spark plugs, an engine, a brake lever, (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost) a steering wheel, and an ignition. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society) There was also a ticket machine. (PROSE: Just the Ticket)

Despite this more conventional appearance, the Omnibus still had unconventional technology inside it, such as a time motor, (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost) and a device that could hone in on a person's bio-rhythm. (AUDIO: Wildthyme at Large)

The lower floor of the Omnibus contained a kitchenette, (PROSE: The Scarlet Empress) sometimes referred to as a galley kitchen, (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) which included a kettle. (PROSE: Bafflement and Devotion)

Also on the lower floor of the Omnibus, there was a bookcase crammed with paperbacks and star charts. There was a settee and a bar stool. The windows were covered by curtains and blinds, and the interior of the Omnibus was illuminated by soft, warm lamps. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) There was also an Art Deco drinks cabinet (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, Old Flames), a chaise lounge, an Ormolu clock, straps that dangled from the ceiling, (PROSE: Deleted Scene from 'Iris Wildthyme and the Key Lime Pie 2 Time' - 'Part 3: The Stones of Blood') sofas and armchairs, (PROSE: Flickering Flame ^[+]Loading...{"page":"88","1":"Flickering Flame (short story)"}) a cassette player, a cupboard (which once housed a dishwasher), and a clothes horse. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost) Around the Omnibus, there were mock tigerskin pillows strewn about. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society)

There was also record player and a rack of records, including some by Tammy Wynette. (PROSE: Future Legend) Iris also had a collection of tapes, including Geoff Love's rendition of the Doctor Who theme, (PROSE: Bafflement and Devotion) and various songs by Shirley Bassey (PROSE: Bafflement and Devotion, Enter Wildthyme), Vince Cosmos, Lady Marmalade, (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) and Neil Sedaka. (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Unholy Ghost)

Upstairs, there was a sonic shower, wardrobes (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme, The Scarlet Empress) a jacuzzi, a mini-bar with Venusian Tequilas, (PROSE: Flickering Flame ^[+]Loading...{"page":"88","1":"Flickering Flame (short story)"}) and another bookcase, this one filled with Iris' diaries. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme) There was also a trunk filled with Iris' prized possessions. (PROSE: Just the Ticket)

History

Origin

According to a series of accounts, Celestial Omnibuses were a mode of transportation used by human settlers in their colonisation of Mars. (PROSE: Lost on Mars, etc.)

Iris' discovery

The Celestial Omnibus on Hyspero. (PROSE: Wildthyme Beyond!)

Iris found the bus during her youth in the Obverse, where it had crashed, and breathed new life into it. She then left the Obverse in the bus into the universe beyond. (PROSE: Wildthyme Beyond!)

First travels

Iris once had Christmas dinner with Fifth Doctor, Tegan Jovanka, and Vislor Turlough in the bus. (PROSE: The Scarlet Empress)

The Martians held an ancient legend about a "certain Panda deity who visited them in a scarlet chariot that came from the stars...". As such, the Martians were panda-phobic. (PROSE: Enter Wildthyme)

The 22 to Putney Areodrome. (PROSE: A Clockwork Iris)

When the Obverse was altered to be a bit more steampunk, the Omnibus was transformed into an airship. (PROSE: Flasket Brinner and the Clockwork Heart etc.) On one occasion, a member of Faction Paradox fused Panda with the airship. (PROSE: Panda and the Airship)

In the 42nd century, when Iris Wildthyme became a cultural phenomenon, there was an action figure set called the Twenty-two fourteen bus playset, which was based off the Omnibus. (AUDIO: The Iris Wildthyme Appreciation Society)

Impending doom?

After the PussyWorlders discovered the burnt out remnants of the Celestial Omnibus at a car park on Hyspero at the end of the universe, they told Iris of this discovery. (PROSE: Future Legend) Subsequently, feeling her mortality rise up, Iris tried to take better care of the Celestial Omnibus, going to a warehouse full of double decker buses with Panda to source replacement parts, (PROSE: Just the Ticket) and she attended a GalMart auction to purchase scrap TARDIS parts, until she was deterred by the realisation that the TARDIS that the parts were coming from was The Doctor's. (PROSE: Buyer's Remorse)

Fate of the Omnibus

Iris sits at a table inside "Bianca's Cabaret". (AUDIO: The Wormery)

In a possible future, Iris had regenerated into Bianca — Iris' own version of the Valeyard. Bianca converted her breaking-down TARDIS into a nightclub, planning to snare Iris and take her remaining regenerations. The Sixth Doctor used his own TARDIS as a time ram to destroy the club. (AUDIO: The Wormery)

Iris once rammed the bus into the City of the Saved's sealed Uptime Gate to save her companions from the Civil War. The fate of Iris and the bus was uncertain, (PROSE: A Hundred Words from a Civil War) but Cortalian once auctioned off a piece of timeship in the shape of a passenger bus gear shift which had been blasted down into history after colliding with the City. (PROSE: Going Once, Going Twice)

Near the end of the universe, the PussyWorlders discovered the burnt out remnants of the Omnibus abandoned in the ruins of a Hyspero car park. They were unable to use it, as it seemed dead, but managed to snap off a loose piece of the drive system. (PROSE: Future Legend, Just the Ticket)

Undated events

Jack told Ace that hippies helped put Panda on "the bus to space". (PROSE: Teenage Kicks)

A bus matching the appearance of the Celestial Omnibus (PROSE: Iris Wildthyme and the Polythene Terror) once drove past Rose Tyler while she was on her way to work in March 2005. (TV: Rose)

Behind the scenes

The number 22 to Putney Common. (TV: Rose)

Perhaps coincidentally, the number 22 to Putney Common appeared briefly in the opening scenes of Rose, the only time an allusion to the Celestial Omnibus or Iris Wildthyme has been made on television to date. On the original cover of Iris Wildthyme and the Polythene Terror published in 2019, the design of the Celestial Omnibus matched that featured in Rose with two identical adverts for The Lion King.